


A Dying Star

by plasticlizard022



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Amputation, Anal Sex, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Carbonite, Deception, Dom/Brat, Dominant Kylo Ren, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Naked Female Clothed Male, Non-Consensual Groping, Orgasm Denial, Physical Abuse, Protective Kylo Ren, Rough Oral Sex, Slow Burn, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:36:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 30,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25557463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plasticlizard022/pseuds/plasticlizard022
Summary: You're a high-ranking member of the Resistance so you were quite the valuable catch. What will you do when Kylo Ren confronts you in order to get information about the Resistance?
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. Stelliferous

“Commander, they’re hot on our tail!” a voice cried for you desperately from your earpiece. You wasted no time jumping into your bright blue T-70 X-wing. Maybe it wasn’t the best for stealth missions but you liked it when an enemy TIE fighter saw you coming - it gave them just enough time to register that they were being blown to kingdom come by a member of the Resistance.

The rest of your squadron had gone on ahead in an attempt to buy you some time. If the First Order was here, you had to wipe all of the information that you couldn’t take with you in order to keep the Resistance’s secrets safe. You had just finished when your help was direly needed.

“R6, keep an eye on the paint. I just fixed her up and I’d hate for some First Order scum to hurt her again,” you commented to your trusty astromech who whistled in reply. The canopy closed over you and in seconds you were in the air and flying away from the mountainous planet of Oosalon. How the First Order managed to find you on such a barren planet in the Outer Rim. . . well, that’s something you’d have to figure out so that it didn’t happen again.

“Commander!”

“Yeah, I’m here!” you assured your squad by firing at the TIE fighters chasing them down. One after another, the enemy ships were sent spiraling back into the atmosphere before crashing in wondrous explosions. It wasn’t a quality admired by many but you had always appreciated the specific beauty of violence. Of course, you were never violent when you didn’t need to be but when the moment came it was always splendorous.

For every TIE fighter you shot down, though, another two would show up and take its place. “I’m going to finish this. The rest of you take off and meet General Organa on D’Qar,” you commanded. Since this satellite base was a bust, it was time to return to home base to rethink and plan a new strategy. The only reason your squadron had flown all the way out to Oosalon in the first place was because you believed it was close enough to intercept First Order frequencies. That would’ve given the Resistance the real lead they needed to pull ahead in this war.

You fired at the incoming TIE fighters and led them back down towards the surface of the planet. Being one of the best damn pilots in the galaxy gave you the confidence needed to fly dangerously close to the mountains covering the planet. After a few tight turns and skillful maneuvers, half of the ships following you had crashed and exploded.

Victory looked like the only outcome. That is until you heard the R6’s loud screeches. It wasn’t just a small squad of TIE fighters behind you anymore. . . there was a TIE silencer. A quiet slur of profanities passed through your tightening lips. No more fun and games.

‘Why is he all the way out here?’ you wondered to yourself. The sleek design was unmistakable. There was just one pilot with a ship like that: Kylo Ren. Supreme Leader Snoke’s protege and a leader of the First Order, Kylo Ren’s presence posed a dangerous threat. Force users always seemed to be extraordinary pilots and gunman since they had that stupid, mystical ability to connect to the universe. In your opinion, it was bullshit and should be counted as cheating. They couldn’t be considered better pilots when they were cheaters!

“Alright, R6, give me all you got. We’ve got to scram!” All of the power was directed to the thrust engines causing you to race dangerously fast through the tricky environment. As good of a pilot as you were, you weren’t perfect. As the TIE silencer attempted to shoot you down, you tried to barrel roll in an attempt to dodge the fire. This caused the wing to clip the side of a mountain sending you and your ship straight towards the ground. The X-wing slid across a flat mesa before slowly to a stop just before tipping over the edge to what would’ve been your doom.

Blood trickled from your nose and the lights in your cockpit made your head spin. “R6, send a transmission to Leia-” you attempted to utter before your head went limp. That crash had knocked your head around more than you had realized.

All you knew was that the Resistance was in danger because you were foolish enough to get captured. You’d die before you gave up any information on the Resistance but you were also sure they had their ways of extracting it forcefully. Maybe it would’ve been for the greater good if your ship had slid off the mesa.

If only you had managed to send a transmission warning Leia that you had been captured. She would know what to do in order to protect the rest of the Resistance. Not only that, but you wanted to make sure that she knew you didn’t want anyone coming to save you. It was far too dangerous and you couldn’t possibly allow anyone else to risk their life in an attempt to rescue you.

And knowing Leia, she might just try. She had always been like a mother to you. She had really taken you under her wing and been your redeeming light when you had been drowning in a sea of darkness. Because your relationship with her was so close and so strong, you had to hope that she knew you well enough to know you’d be okay. You had no qualms about dying for the Resistance. In fact, it would be an honor.

When you came to, your arms and legs were strapped down to a table. There was an irritating throbbing in your head from where you must’ve hit it. You had been stripped out of your helmet and jumpsuit (though that didn’t mean you were left naked which was quite a relief). The cool air on your skin caused goosebumps to rise and made you realize that they had also taken your nice, leather jacket. Damn them.

The door behind you slid open and the sound of leather soles echoed off the silver walls. Two stormtroopers stepped on either side of you as the one and only Kylo Ren moved in front of you. “I didn’t realize we had the best pilot in the Resistance on board,” his voice, tinny and grainy because of the helmet, said.

“Wouldn’t quite say I’m the best,” you corrected him. It wasn’t that you were modest and more that you liked to assert your dominance. People hated to be corrected - especially men. Your fingers flexed under the restraints. If only you weren’t strapped down; you could reach across, strangle Kylo, and end this war right here and now. Being so close that you could taste it left a sour flavor on your tongue.

“Comfortable?” he asked you. Since you couldn’t see through his mask, you had to assume that he had taken note of you pulling on your restraints.

With a polite smile, you replied, “Not quite. Would you mind loosening the restraints so I can reach across and grab your neck?” His hand stretched out and you were forced further back against your chair. The stormtroopers exchanged a nervous look.

“Where is the resistance base?” he asked you calmly.

You only laughed. “Are you serious? Do you seriously think I’d ever tell you anything?” His head cocked ever so slightly to the side. So be it. Without another word, he left the room, the echo of his heavy footsteps following him out of the door. Why had he even bothered to come in here if he wasn’t even going to try? Did he seriously think he could easily intimidate you by wearing that stupid mask and force-pushing you back into your seat? He’d have to think again.

Clamps came around and poked into your head which stung more than anything else. Then it wasn’t just stinging. The stormtroopers had manned their positions at their computers to begin your torture. They’d do whatever they needed to in order to get you to squeal.

You were pushed to the extremes. Your brain felt like it was being poked and prodded. Your mind felt like it was being shrunk and then exploded. A trail of blood raced down your forehead and into your peripheral. But try as they may, you would not budge. “Is that the best you can do?” you tiredly asked them.

The troopers exchanged a look and exited the room which gave you some peace and quiet for the first time in. . . well, you didn’t even know how long. It had felt like years that they had been torturing you but you weren’t even sure if it was a full day. As the door shut behind you, you let your head hang limp and sleep overcome you.

The sound of the door opening woke you. The heavy footsteps told you that it was Kylo Ren entering again. You had heard plenty of rumors about him during your time with the Resistance. Supposedly, his face was horribly disfigured when training with the knights of Ren which explained why he killed Ren and then chose to wear a mask. Supposedly, his short temper caused him to damage an entire Star Destroyer to the point that it was no longer a functional ship. Supposedly, his lightsaber is so strong and volite that it radiated heat - something that lightsabers weren’t supposed to do, you guessed. Anyway. . . the only rumor that you felt certain you could confirm was the second one. Even the way he walked seemed angry so it wasn’t hard to believe that he had a short fuse.

“I’m impressed. No one has been able to get anything out of you,” his almost-robotic voice said as he slowly moved around in front of you. No stormtroopers flanking him this time, just him. He stopped right in front of you, close enough that, had your arms been free, you could’ve touched him.

You finally took him in, every detail. He was taller than you had expected but looked slim under his clothing. His cowl looked worn but clean. The rest of his ensemble was black and appeared to be mostly leather. Every inch of skin was covered from head to toe. And then there was that stupid mask! Surely the rumor that he was deformed must be true because he had been wearing the damned thing every time you had seen him (albeit you had only seen him twice).

What was under that mask? A nose completely removed? Sunken eyes so dark that they swallowed the light that entered them? A gnarled smile with jagged teeth? Maybe it would explain why his voice seemed so coarse and robotic. Maybe his skin was covered in unsightly scars or burns which is why he covered up so much. When you finally escaped and killed him, you’d remove his mask and find out for sure.

Foolishly, you countered, “Well, it’s not like they tried very hard.” One of the worst things someone could do when being restrained by the enemy was tell them that they weren’t torturing well enough. One of these days, your tongue was going to get you into a lot of trouble. Your gut was telling you that today was probably going to be that day.

Since you couldn’t see through his mask, you were left wondering if he was smirking or frowning. Was he excited to yank this information out of you or was he annoyed by your insubordination? Did it truly matter when his reaction was going to be the same anyway?

He raised his hand but you weren’t yet thrown back in your seat. There was this strange tugging sensation in the back of your mind that felt more violating than painful. He was searching your mind. No! That would put the entire Rebellion at risk! So you started to fight back, using every ounce of brainpower to keep him out of your head.

That’s when you began to really feel the strain, like an earthquake in your mind. Your head flung back and slammed against the headrest as Kylo pressed deeper into your thoughts. A scream bubbled in your throat but you swallowed it.

As quickly as he had started, he stopped. Kylo’s hand fell to his side and he left the room without another word. Teary-eyed and panting, you were left to wonder if he had found what he was looking for. If you fell asleep, would you come to just in time to see the explosion of D’Qar and all of your friends and allies? As hard as you fought it, a stray tear slipped down your cheek as you slammed your head against the headrest in frustration.

If you had known that Kylo could reach into your mind then you would’ve been much more careful not to get caught. The normal torture techniques had been less than fun but you had also been preparing to survive those; you’d never crack otherwise. Since your mind wasn’t a safe place to retreat into, you were left wondering if it would’ve been smarter to just fly your X-wing into the face of the mountain. For the good of the Resistance, it might’ve been for the best. You felt as if you had failed.

You were given hardly any time to wallow in guilt and self-pity before a pair of stormtroopers entered the room once more. “I’m sure you hear this all of the time, but I’m really not in the mood to be tortured right now,” you sighed disdainfully. Your heart just wasn’t in the right place to endure more pain. Couldn’t they come back later?

But it seemed as if they weren’t here to torture you. You were freed from one set of restraints before being thrown into cuffs. “Shut up and move it,” the trooper on the left barked at you. Being stuck in place for a couple of days had made your legs stiffen and go numb. Each wobbly step you took made it feel like there were a thousand pins being pressed into your muscles. It was still better than having your mind be violated, though.

As you exited your little torture chamber, you were led down a long corridor where every passing officer in their ugly, gray uniforms looked at you with antipathy. No matter. The look you offered in exchange was of equal distaste. Brainwashed, power-hungry psychopaths, the lot of them.

It wasn’t until you were marched past a docking bay that you began to mentally map out the rest of your trip. Each turn and doorway you passed through were marked in your mind so that you could find your way out when the time for escape arrived.

Escape had always been your intention. Your pride and ego gave you the assumption that you’d be able to find your way off this cursed ship all on your own. No need to send in backup to rescue you because you were your own hero. Now that it seemed like Kylo Ren had pulled information about the Resistance out of your head, then you were going to have to escape a little faster so that you could get to D’Qar and warn everyone.

You had been moved from a room of torture to a prison cell which was hardly an improvement. The stormtroopers pushed you into a small room that had nothing but a shelf made to serve as a bed. The doors slid closed quickly to keep you from attempting an escape or an attack. “Hey!” you yelled angrily and pounded your fists against the door. “At least take off the restraints! It’s not like I’m going anywhere!”

After another few punches and kicks, you had nothing left to do but sit and wait. What exactly you were waiting for. . . well, that was unclear at the moment. But the silence and comfort of being able to lay down flat gave you the clarity needed to focus, think, and hatch an escape plan.

Here is how it’s going to go down. Eventually someone had to bring you sustenance and that would be your time to attack. You’d pretend like you were dead asleep and so they’d have to enter your cell to sit down your meal. That’s when you’d knock them so hard that their head would rattle inside their helmet causing them to fall unconscious to the floor. You’d snag the helmet to give you the slightest disguise but time was of the essence; the rest of the stormtrooper’s uniform would have to remain on the trooper. You’d run out into the hallway, through three sets of doors, take two left turns, and BAM! You’d be in the docking bay where you’d hop inside the first ship with an open cockpit. You’d be out in space and jumping into hyperspace before any alarm could go off.

Maybe it could use a little polishing but who knew how long you’d be in here until that door opened again so you had the time to work out little kinks in the plan. Of course, the fact that your hands were bound were going to pose a small issue. You couldn’t just fly to D’Qar in a TIE fighter either because you’d be blown to pieces! Those were little issues, though. Your overall plan felt pretty solid so that’s what you were going to go with.

You laid down and your legs bounced uncomfortably. Your body ached to pace and move around after being stuck in place for so long. But if you were caught standing in your cell, then your plan definitely wouldn’t work. So you forced your body to be still and you even allowed yourself to doze off only because you were a light sleeper.

The door slid open and steadied your breathing. You were ready. Carefully, you listened to make sure that there was only one set of footsteps. Maybe you could take out two stormtroopers and escape, but you felt much safer attempting to take out just one.

As the footsteps drew nearer, you rolled off the bed and knocked the trooper off of his feet. To say you were disappointed would be an understatement. The trooper had knocked his helmet off of the slab serving as your cot and fell unconscious to the ground. Sure, you should’ve been relieved that you had accomplished the first step of your plan so easily. But you had really been looking forward to kicking some stormtrooper ass!

Kneeling down, you yanked his helmet off before cursing under your breath. When he had slammed his head, it had broken and cracked a nice section of the mask. Whatever, you could continue on without it. At least he had been foolish enough to bring in his blaster. So you yanked that off of his belt and slipped out into the hall.

The thing you had spent the most time thinking about was whether or not it would be smarter to run or sneak through the hallways to the docking bay. As you laid on that uncomfortable slab, you listened to the sound of passing footsteps. They were few and far between. So it made sense for you to run and cover as much space as possible before bumping into any hostiles.

So that’s what you did. Years of sneaking around in your youth had taught you how to practically tiptoe even as you sprinted. The soft leather of your shoes made hardly a sound as you went through each doorway and took each turn. This was almost too easy!

Damn! Why did you have to think that?! Maybe because you hadn’t said it outloud then you weren’t properly jinxed. It’s what you were going to have to rely on because you had made it to the docking bay.

The hangar was relatively massive which could pose as an issue. If you had gotten lucky enough to find one of the areas designated for private ships (such as Kylo Ren’s Silencer or enemy ships brought in through tractor beams) then your plan would’ve gone a lot smoother. Unfortunately, there were a handful of TIE fighters lined up against the far wall which meant that there were small legions of stormtroopers and officers marching around. As long as you could make it across to the other side, you felt certain that you could slip into a TIE fighter and haul ass.

Creeping down low and sneaking between boxes of supplies and ammunition, you were carefully inching your way forward and across the docking bay. “Hey!” a voice called out from behind causing you to wince. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Well, so much for sneaking across. Looks like you’d have to book it, double time! You wasted no time in pulling your stolen blaster and sending the trooper sprawling backwards into some containers. Of course, that alerted everyone else in the docking bay that something was amuck. No time like the present so you began to run across the floor of the hangar.

Fifty more steps, you estimated. Only fifty more steps and you’d be at the TIE fighters where you could escape. Your focus on escaping gave you tunnel vision which caused you to ignore the shiny, silver arm that shot out in front of you. It was like running straight into a lead pipe. You slammed backwards and landed on your back.

Your head had knocked against the ground which caused you to see stars. Through squinted eyes, you examined the thing - or person, it seemed - who knocked you down. Standing well over six feet tall, a stormtrooper in the most reflective and badass armor you had ever seen stood over you. This must be the infamous Captain Phasma. She did seem to live up to the rumors. Her boot knocked the blaster out of your hands as you attempted to raise it.

“Damn, I would’ve signed up to be a stormtrooper if everyone got to dress like that,” you muttered and closed your eyes in defeat. So much for the glorious taste of freedom. You were fated to remain on this ship, it seemed.

“On your feet, rebel scum,” her voice commanded. As someone who had always had trouble taking orders, it was difficult for you to swallow your pride and pull yourself to your feet.

“That’s Commander Rebel Scum to you,” you corrected her because, as always, you had to have the last word in everything. Captain Phasma did not find your insolence cheeky nor did she appreciate it. The butt of her blaster connected with your jaw which sent you tripping back to the ground.

“On your feet,” she repeated. She really didn’t play games. You did have to wonder, though, why didn’t she just kill you for trying to escape. Maybe Kylo Ren hadn’t gotten the information he wanted out of you just yet. What other reason would he have for keeping you around?

You pulled yourself back up and spit a mouthful of blood on the floor. You’d been through worse than a hit to the jaw before. Honestly, it was your ego that was taking a bigger bruising than your face. Captain Phasma personally escorted you back to your cell where the unconscious body of the stormtrooper still lay. A cheeky smirk pushed up your cheeks as she forced you into the adjacent cell instead.

The room was identical to the last one, much to your dismay. So you laid down on the uncomfortable bed and shut your eyes. Your jaw was aching but if you could manage to sleep, then hopefully a numbness would set in before you woke.

But you couldn’t sleep. So you fiddled around with your handcuffs in an attempt to free even one of your hands. This wouldn’t be the first time you had broken out of restraints before but these seemed to be of a nicer and more durable quality than you were used to.

Your internal clock told you that several hours had passed. The door to your tiny prison slid open. Expecting just another stormtrooper, you remained laying on the slab with your focus on your cuffs. “I let you free from the chair but I could easily take you back,” a deep voice from the doorway caught your full attention.

Sitting up, you turned your focus to Kylo Ren. Had he come to finally get the information he wanted out of you? What had he seen the first time he reached into your mind, then? “This is hardly an improvement,” you let him know. It was an improvement, but definitely not one worth bragging about.

He reached out his hand and used the force to lift your handcuffs. This caused your hands to be raised above your head, but he didn’t stop just there; you were lifted by your wrists until your toes were barely brushing against the floor. “You would be wise to make allies here instead of enemies,” he warned you.

Allies? Was Kylo Ren really asking you to be an ally? Surely, it was some sort of figure of speech. Right? “I have no allies here,” you frowned. You were part of the Resistance and would die before you aligned yourself with anyone from the First Order, let alone someone who was connected to the Dark Side of the Force.

“Not yet,” he said. He stepped out the room and the door shut before his connection was cut. You collapsed to the ground feeling more confused than you ever had before. What kind of game was he playing? And did you really intend to find out? 

✩


	2. Sidereal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You make a few mistakes leading to some unfortunate consequences. Kylo's true intentions are very slowly beginning to reveal themselves.

The angry growl and grumble from your empty stomach bounced off the walls of the cell. Since you had decided to attack the last person who attempted to bring you food, you hadn’t been offered any more. It felt as if your body was going to consume itself in one giant implosion. Soon, you’d just cease to be! 

You and that flair for the dramatics. It’s not like you haven’t starved before. Your childhood had been less than enjoyable. Sometimes you wondered if you would have traded it for something more memorable and happy. If you had, then you probably wouldn’t be here as a prisoner of the First Order. But there were countless lives you had helped and had saved because your terrible life led you to the Resistance. Because of that, it was for the best that you were where you were now. 

You had slept three times but that didn’t mean that it had been three days. Sleeping that many times had caused you to lose track of time. Luckily, you had a visitor which would (hopefully) give you a sense of when it was. Unluckily, your visitor wasn’t some dopey stormtrooper you could harass but Kylo Ren. 

“What do you want with me?” you asked before he could speak. There was this gut feeling that you had that told you he didn’t visit his other prisoners this often. So why were you special? “Here to take more things that aren’t yours?” 

“I took nothing that wasn’t there for the taking,” he replied and stepped in the cell. Your blood ran cold when the door shut behind him. Was he hoping for privacy when he slashed your gut open with his lightsaber? Was he worried you might try to run as he choked the life from your body?

He was so close that you had to look up at him to meet his eyes. Well, to look through his helmet to where his eyes were. Had he not been wearing a mask, you were sure that you would’ve felt his hot breath on your skin. “Everything you have to offer now is mine,” he explained to you simply, as if explaining to a child. 

“Nothing of mine is yours,” you corrected him. So quick that you didn’t see it happening until it happened, his hand was around your neck. He didn’t squeeze so tightly that you couldn’t breathe but just tight enough that you knew if he twisted his wrist fast enough that your neck would snap. 

His head cocked to the side ever so slightly. “We’ll see.” He let go of your neck and your fingers traced the spots where bruises would likely form. “Come with me,” he ordered and stepped out of the cell. 

“And what if I try to run?” you asked him. He must be a fool to think you’d just willingly follow him. What if his intention was to take you back to the torture room?

“You would be wise not to,” he replied. Perhaps he was right. He could use the Force after all so if you even thought about running, he could snatch you back without even touching you. Damn Force-users. They were cheaters. No fun.

So you followed behind him, your footsteps silent especially when compared to his own. Everything he did seemed to be laced with unresolved anger. He stomped instead of walked. His hands were always curled in fists if they weren’t at your throat. What could have possibly filled him with such rage? 

Again, you took note of each and every doorway you passed through, elevator you rode on, and turn you made. Not that you’d be stupid enough to try and escape via the same docking bay as before, but you wanted to keep your bearings should the opportunity to run present itself. 

The two of you stepped into a final elevator. There was this electricity in that little pod that caused the hair to stand up on the back of your neck. Standing side by side, his hand nearly brushed against your hip. Had your hands not been cuffed, it’s likely your fingers would’ve touched. For the first time, you were thankful for the restraints. 

You were relieved to step out of the elevator. The cooling system must’ve been broken in there because it had been sweltering! Why else would you have broken out in a sweat? On top of that, the tension in that metal box had made it even harder to breathe. What you really needed was to land on a planet to get real fresh air and feel sunlight on your skin. That was obviously not an option at the moment. 

Kylo had brought you to the command deck. The screens cast blue shadows on the officers and their ugly black uniforms and even uglier black helmets. Seriously, what was the First Order trying to accomplish with their wardrobe? Total humiliation?! 

Everyone’s eyes peeked above their screens and data pads as you were paraded through towards the windows. A pasty man whose ginger hair had been slicked back wore a sour expression that was directed more towards Kylo than towards you. “Was it wise to bring the prisoner to the bridge?” he frowned and finally took you in. His nose scrunched in disgust but you only held your chin up higher. The more the First Order hated you the more you felt like you were doing your part for the Resistance and doing it well. 

Kylo stopped in front of the window and crossed his hands behind his back. You were in no position to try anything so you continued to humor him by standing beside him. Right outside the window was a gray-green planet with a wide asteroid belt. Your gut knotted tightly which was the only thing stopping your heart from falling into your stomach. He must’ve really gotten inside your head because you were floating around D’Qar. 

A legion of TIE fighters came flying back towards the star destroyer where they docked somewhere beneath you. “You have nothing now,” Kylo told you plainly. Your knees gave out and you sank to the floor. 

You had failed and failed so miserably. The Resistance was all but finished now. The only remaining hope would lie with the far and few between members stationed in pocket bases that were off-world. The First Order had won. Had the room been spinning when you entered? It was certainly spinning now. 

“Monsters. All of you are monsters,” you growled. The amount of people they had killed down there. . . it made you sick. No, it made you angry. Rage filled every crevice in your body and gave you a strength you didn’t know. You pushed to your feet and reached towards the closest weapon which just so happened to be Kylo Ren’s lightsaber. In one swift motion, you snatched it from his waist and ignited it. 

It hissed and crackled angrily. Everyone was lucky your hands were bound because you would’ve been a real force to be reckoned with otherwise. Back in the day, you had gotten your hands on an electrostaff - an old one from the clone wars. After fixing it up and practicing endlessly, you had become quite a pro. Your blaster skills never compared but they were also long distance weapons whereas electrostaffs were only good up close. Even though it had been a long time since you had held a close-combat weapon, your muscles lit up with the memory and adrenaline. You wondered how killing someone with a lightsaber would compare to killing someone with an electrostaff. 

The room had fallen completely silent save for the throbbing sounds of the lightsaber in your hands. Everyone wanted to see what you would do. Were you going to pose a real threat to anyone? Did they need to run? After quickly scanning their faces, you realized that they were less afraid of what you would do and more afraid of how Kylo Ren would react. Suddenly you remembered hearing about that temper of his. And you had just taken his lightsaber. Someone was going to get hurt and it was absolutely not going to be you. 

Your original intention had been to back out of the room while wielding the deadly weapon but your best chance of survival seemed to rely on you killing Kylo Ren first. You had never held a lightsaber before but the mechanics of it seemed pretty simply. You raised it above your head and sliced downwards. 

The blade stopped mere inches from Kylo’s outstretched hand. Using the Force, he had stopped you from completely cutting him down. The light bent away from his hand as if they were matching sides of a magnet. If only you could see his face right now. You wondered if the anger had been replaced with pride or excitement. Had he ever used the Force on a lightsaber before? You had just bestowed the honor upon him of getting to do so. 

A pair of stormtroopers came running in with their blasters drawn. You swung away from Kylo and prepared to block their shots. . . or at least attempt to. Unfortunately, you didn’t even get the chance to try. With your back turned, Kylo had an opening to get his lightsaber back from you. He punched your elbow which caused it to shoot out, causing you to drop the saber. As it bounced on the ground, the blade extinguished and the handle spun around in a circle. The hilt flung past you and into Kylo’s hand. 

Well, you were in some deep shit now. You felt more likely to survive blaster fire than a strike from a lightsaber so you booked it towards the stormtroopers. They pulled the trigger, aimed right from your center. Their aim was impeccable and had managed to hit the direct center of your handcuffs, blasting them off of your wrists. A laugh bubbled out of your throat. Maybe it was your destiny to reforge the Resistance and that’s why you had survived so long. 

A few of the more cowardly officers escaped while they could. If they had wanted to engage in combat then they would’ve become stormtroopers. Life on the bridge was supposed to be less violent even if it wasn’t necessarily stress-free. 

You charged towards the stormtroopers to gain enough speed to slide across the floor, knocking them to the floor - your go-to move. You snatched the blaster off one of their belts before firing at them both. They slid for cover and you only managed to take out one. You stood quickly and prepared to run. In order to keep anyone from following you, you reached out behind you and fired blindly as you made your for the door. It must be a dream because you were going to make it!

It must’ve been a dream because you didn’t make it. As you held your arm back and fired, you felt a sudden, searing pain in your right arm. You turned to find the source of the pain and screamed in agony. Falling to the floor, you cradled your arm against your chest. Kylo had sliced your arm off just below your elbow. The blaster clattered to the floor and out of your now-detached hand. 

The room was silent again. No more blaster fire. Kylo’s saber was extinguished once more. The officers who had wanted to flee were gone so there were no more echoes of footsteps. There were only your pained cries that you tried to choke down. You had to be brave and be strong. It was just so hard to be either of those things when your body was trembling from the excruciating pain and your mind was scrambling with fear and regret. Your whole hand was gone! That was your good hand!

“Take her to the medbay,” Kylo growled and stormed out of the command deck. He was no longer afraid of you causing any damage or running away. If you had done a better job of choking back your tears, you might’ve heard the faint sound of Kylo’s carnal rampage as he released his frustration and humiliation out on the elevator-ride down. He caused enough damage that the lift would have to be repaired before anyone else could use it. His temper was certainly terrifying but it was also very inconvenient for a lot of the staff on board. Not that you cared about any of that. 

A fresh set of stormtroopers came in and hauled you further down the hall to a working elevator. You felt faint and weak; your body was going into shock after losing an appendage. Soon enough, your eyes rolled back into your head. The last thing you remembered was being dragged past a different hangar. You could’ve sworn you saw your ship docked inside but you were also pretty delirious. 

There was a phantom sensation in what would’ve been your right palm. It tickled you awake. At first, you didn’t even remember that you had lost part of your arm. In fact, for just a moment, you forgot you were stuck aboard the Finalizer, too. The one single moment was probably going to be the last good moment for the rest of your life - not that you expected to live that much longer especially after all of the trouble you had caused. 

The phantom sensation intensified so you forced your eyes open to take a peek. It wasn’t a phantom sensation after all. While you had been unconscious, a robotic hand had been attached to your arm in replacement of your perfectly, fine fleshy one. A med droid was poking at your new appendage to make sure that the reflexes worked. 

They were working alright. The droid poked at your metallic fingertips and each one twitched when touched. It was a strange sensation being able to feel something but not feel it. This new arm had no nerves in it which meant you couldn’t feel pain but it was also attached to your real arm so that you could have better control of your new hand. Your mind registered things like pressure but no pain. Maybe it wasn’t all bad. It could come in handy one day, you supposed. 

“I don’t understand,” you muttered to yourself. You had been so focused on your new arm that you didn’t even question why you had been given a new arm in the first place. Why would the First Order waste resources on a prisoner? Especially on a prisoner like you? 

The door to the medbay slid open and you didn’t have to look to know who it was. Kylo Ren seemed to be the only person really checking in on you. Maybe it was because you kept knocking in the heads of the stormtroopers who tried to handle you. Maybe it was something else. Should you feel honored? 

The med droid scurried out of the way as Kylo moved beside you and took in the arm. “How does it feel?” he asked. 

“It feels like you cut my arm off. And for what? If you were just going to put a prosthetic on then why would you bother cutting it off in the first place?” you asked angrily. You missed your five little fingers. You’d miss wearing silver rings - now they would just look like an added part to your hand. Even so, your right hand was now stronger and more durable. If anything, he had better armed his enemy. 

“To teach you a lesson,” he snapped back quickly. That shut you up enough. . . for now. He moved in front of you and gave you a once over. It was hard to tell what his intentions were since you couldn’t read his face. He was either sizing you up like you were a slab of meat headed to the slaughter or he was taking you in like you were a flower and he was just waiting for you to bloom so he could pluck you. Neither seemed ideal. 

“What do you want with me?” you asked, swallowing your anger which left you alone with the sorrow you had been hoping to avoid. Everyone you had ever known and loved were dead. It had been your duty to protect them and, in the end, you had been the cause of their demise. It was so much easier to be angry about it than to let the guilt consume you. 

“When I reached into your mind, do you know what I saw?” he asked you. The location of the Resistance base on D’Qar? Obviously. He hadn’t reached in that long and surely he couldn’t have dug that deep. What else could he have possibly seen? “Hurt,” he answered. “An anger that stems from that pain. And untapped power.” 

You laughed, if only to break the tension. Why was it that whenever the two of you were alone in a room there was a static that thickened the air? “Right. You got all of that from a glimpse inside my mind. Sure,” you teased him sarcastically. What a broad generalization. Of course you had hurt and you had anger. The First Order destroyed everything it touched and it had just fondled the Resistance. It was the untapped power part that had you really rolling your eyes. What was his angle here? 

“It will reveal itself to you. In time,” he assured you and moved to the doorway. “Come with me. You have nothing left to lose. I will make you full again.” Was that his goal then? To fill you? Maybe his intention was to keep you as a whore or perhaps as an apprentice. You weren’t one with the Force, though. Your stomach sank as the former seemed to be the more likely option. 

He did make a good point, though. What did you have to lose? Even if you escaped from here, where would you go and what would you do? In your mind, it was easy to paint yourself up to be the hero that would revive the Resistance. In reality, you didn’t have what it took. There was no one for you to run to. No life waiting for you. 

Life with the First Order was everything you had fought against. But maybe if you played your cards right and learned how to approach things with patience then you could at least take down Kylo Ren. The galaxy would be better for it. So you followed him out into the hall and didn’t attempt to run or attack him. 

Kylo seemed to be intrigued by you. In fact, he almost seemed obsessed to a certain degree. If you were going to catch him off guard enough for you to actually kill him, then you’d have to use that fact to your benefit. Luckily for you, it didn’t seem like it would be that difficult. 

You were led to a sizable room - a bedroom. “Is this-”

He interrupted you to answer, “My quarters.” After ushering you inside, the door shut behind him. You were beginning to feel like you didn’t have what it would take. If your intention had been to seduce him to the point where his feelings would blind him, then you had to know that eventually it would lead you here. It was just far sooner than you had expected. Never in your life did you imagine whoring yourself out and to the enemy no less. 

It was as he said, though. What did you have to lose? Besides, if he asked you to wrap your lips around his cock, you could just bite it off. Then your work would be done quite quickly. 

You watched as he removed his cowl but that was all of the undressing he did. He didn’t even remove his helmet which still drove you bonkers. The curiosity was enough to make you break out in hives! What was under there?! That wasn’t all he did that left you curious. As he moved around his quarters he seemed so. . . comfortable. It was almost as if you weren’t there at all. That struck you as strange but you tried not to read too much into it. 

Sauntering over to him, his attention fell on you. “What are you hiding?” you whispered and brushed your fingers over his mask. No, you had been right to note that he was too comfortable. He hardly knew you and yet here you were acting completely out of character and he didn’t flinch. Earlier that day you had snatched his lightsaber from his belt! Why did he think that you were being genuine right now?! The longer you were around him, the more questions were asked without answers being provided. 

What was under the helmet? That was the first question you were hoping to answer. As you traced his mask, you hooked your fingers under his mask. You miscalculated by only a fraction. Had you grabbed just slightly to the left then the mask would’ve lifted and the helmet would’ve come off. 

He struck you. The backside of his large hand coming in contact with your cheek with enough force that it knocked you to the ground. “You’d be wise not to try that again,” he warned you. It had become apparent that you had to learn everything the hard way - by trying something stupid once and facing the consequences. 

Your metallic fingers curled into a fist and punched the ground. There was something about getting struck across the face that was utterly humiliating. With an ego as large as yours, you just couldn’t bear humiliation. Standing quick enough that your head rushed, you swiped your palm towards his. There wouldn’t be the satisfying ‘smack’ sound but a nice ‘clunk’ when you hit his helmet. 

Kylo grabbed your wrist. “I took one hand. I can take the other as well,” he warned you. 

“I don’t know what you want!” you exclaimed, exasperated. He was hiding under his mask. He was dragging you along for who knows what reason? Every time you even attempted to gain information from him he gave you vague replies like “you have power” and “everything you have belongs to me.” That just wasn’t cutting it anymore. 

“I want you to get on your knees,” he gave you a coherent answer. No ambiguity about that. And that is what made it more frightening. 

The air got trapped inside your body and you couldn’t breathe out to set it free. It felt like your chest was expanding to the point of explosion. “What?” you exhaled. 

“Get. On. Your knees,” he emphasized and released your wrist from his grasp. With a gulp and trepidation, you did as you were told. Slowly, you sank to the ground and rested on your knees. As to be expected, he seemed even taller and more threatening as he loomed over you from this angle. 

“Open,” he commanded and grabbed your cheeks. He squeezed them tightly so that your lips parted. The moment had arrived. The growing bulge in his pants had made that much clear. As much as you liked to pretend that you could be patient, you knew that you’d use your teeth the moment he pushed down his pants. 

“I am not your whore,” you growled. Kylo took note that you didn’t attempt to run. He may have had your face gripped in his hand but you didn’t attempt to pull away. Not that you could see it, but he smirked. You had even been obedient and gotten to your knees before attempting to feign disapproval. 

The room filled with that familiar static. Both of you felt it. The heat and spark the two of you shared was as undeniable as it was inexplicable. Because of your rotten stubbornness, you chose to ignore it. Even worse, sometimes you would lie to yourself and claim that the electricity you felt must come from the two of you being such opposite forces that the air was literally trying to separate you. 

Of course, the two of you weren’t so different. Even without knowing him that well, it was clear to see if only you had the notion to look. He had a notorious temper but so did you; it was common knowledge amongst the Resistance that you had a short fuse when things didn’t go your way. The two of you were violent (especially when set off). Kylo threw temper tantrums and you would sneak off to an isolated spot on whatever planet you were on and detonate anything and everything in sight. The beauty of things being blown to smithereens and the crackling of the fire that followed was one of your favorite things in the galaxy. The two of you were much more alike than you would ever care to admit. 

“It’s a pity your mouth is always filled with so many words. Allow me to fill it with something else,” Kylo hummed, low and deep. A shiver travelled up your spine. Your mouth remained open even as he pulled his hand away. 

He pushed his pants down only enough to set himself free. Right there for the taking was his massive cock. Your stomach churned from excitement, though you confused it for fear and disgust. There were wampas out there with smaller genitals. How did a man such as himself get to be so hung? 

Instinct took over and, before you even realized it, your tongue was hanging out of your mouth so that his cock could slide to the back of your throat more easily. His head fell onto your tongue before, so painstakingly slow, he glided into your mouth until you gagged. Your head pulled away but he grabbed a handful of your hair. 

“You’re not going anywhere,” he informed before yanking you back in. Your lips closed around his shaft as he began to roll his hips. His grip tightened in your hair but you were afraid that if you smacked at his hands he would hold onto you even tighter. Your tongue rolled over his veiny cock, drool giving him the lubrication he needed to thrust in deeper. 

He forced his cock deep into your throat. Your face pressed against his body. Coughing, sputtering, gagging. He kept your head pressed closed for far longer than you would’ve liked before letting go of hair. You pulled back and gasped for hair. Leaning over so that drool poured past your lips, you caught your breath. 

Your eyes were tearing from being gagged for so long. He must’ve found it attractive because the moment you opened your mouth again, he plunged his full length back into your throat. Instead of holding it there, though, he began to thrust in deep, long strides. Each movement tickled at your uvula. 

He pulled out long enough for him to drag you to his bed. He tossed you up at the foot of the bed and arranged your body so that your feet were near his pillows and your head hung over backwards off the bed. His fingers curled around your throat as the tip of his dick parted your lips. Now he could feel against his palm as his hard erection moved deep into your throat. 

His sheets were soft and silky. Your fingernails dug into them as your chest heaved. Not only were you gagging, but you felt out of breath. Damnit, maybe you shouldn’t have opened your mouth because this man had far more stamina than you had expected. 

Soon enough he was reaching his crescendo. The only indication of that was from the way his cock twitched in your mouth. His heavy breathing was hidden behind his mask. He rammed forcefully into your throat as he climaxed. Pulling out slowly, your mouth filled with his load. He pulled out completely and pinched your lips and nose, forcing you to swallow the entirety of his seed. 

You were sure he was smirking as he pulled his pants back up and walked away. “You will never do that again!” you yelled, storming after him and wiping your mouth. Jamming his dick into your throat was one thing but finishing in your mouth without warning was another. 

He spun around and grabbed your throat. “Or what?” He held you there long enough for you to realize that there was nothing you would or could do. If you had really wanted to do something then you would’ve done it when his cock was inches deep in your throat. You had a fine set of teeth that you didn’t even consider using once his pants had been pushed down. He released you from his grip. “That’s what I thought.”

“You will wait here until I return.” His finger brushed down your jaw and then he was gone. You moved to follow him but the doors had closed and locked behind him. Again, you were left alone with nothing more than your thoughts and a bed. At least the bed was more comfortable now because your thoughts were running completely amuck. What had just happened?! Early that day you had tried to kill him and then here you were, hungrily sucking his cock. 

You crawled into his bed and under his sheets. A moan passed your lips when you realized how dripping wet you had become. Selfish bastard. If he could throat-fuck you then the least he could do was return the favor.


	3. Apricity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After getting in trouble for stealing Kylo's clean clothes, you sneak out of his room.

Either Kylo had snuck in and snuck out before you woke from the most restful night of sleep you’ve had in forever or he hadn’t returned at all. These were his quarters weren’t they? After yawning and stretching, you took the time to snoop around his room. 

There wasn’t anything too crazy at first. Not until you rounded a corner. There was something about this part of the room that made the hair on the back of your neck stand at attention. Then you located the source of that bad feeling. 

On a triangular pedestal sat a deformed helmet. The closer you drew to it, the more certain you were that it wasn’t just any helmet. Your fingers moved to brush the surface but even you didn’t dare. How had he gotten his hands on this?! Surely it wasn’t what you thought it was! That uneasy sensation setting off triggers in your mind warned you that your suspicions must be true. This was the helmet of Darth Vader. 

Panic and dread filled your bones, making them heavy like lead. Was this what the power of the dark side felt like? How was anyone foolish enough to be tempted to a place with no light and no hope? You quickly moved back to the main area of his quarters where Vader’s reach couldn’t touch you. 

Surely that was the worst (and most fascinating) thing you’d find in his quarters but that didn’t mean you’d stop exploring. Besides, you were still trapped in here and there wasn’t much else for you to do. 

You stumbled upon his wardrobe which was exactly what you needed. Since being captured, you had been wearing the same thing for days. Not only were you beginning to look worn out, but you were beginning to smell a little ripe as well. So you rummaged through his clothing and pulled out a few articles that you’d claim as your own. 

After stepping into his shower and cleaning yourself, you began working on your new outfit. You cut the sleeves open on one of his shirts and slid it over your head; now your motion wouldn’t be restricted because of fabric and the material could flow freely over your skin. His legs were far longer than his; his pants went up to your chest. Tucking your shirt in, you then fastened them tightly with a belt to keep them up and to give yourself some semblance of a figure. You still had to cuff the legs to keep from stepping on the fabric. The one thing you kept were your own boots because you’d look like a fool attempting to fit your small foot into a shoe of his own. 

Looking in the mirror, you smiled. It was strange to don so much black but you weren’t going to say that it didn’t look good. Obviously you still favored the colors of the Resistance because their muted, yet more colorful, palette was much more fun to style than this. You also like the orange jumpsuit you’d wear when piloting your ship. As always, you liked it when the attention was on you and orange was a hard color to miss. 

The sound of heavy footsteps followed the hiss of the door opening and shutting. Your stomach knotted. What a stupid, stupid girl you’ve been! So worried about snooping and showering and clothes. You should’ve been focusing more on what you would do when Kylo Ren returned. Last night. . . last night was an outlier. An impulsive moment of weakness caused by the desire - no, the need - to break the sexual tension. You would not be weak again. 

The biggest mistake you had made was not finding yourself a weapon. Surely there was something in this room that could be used to either stab your tall captor or knock him unconscious. Glancing around quickly, you weren’t able to find anything that didn’t need to be broken off. You had missed your chance. 

Kylo moved deeper into his quarters and stopped as he took you in. Your posture straightened and you held your head with dignity. He must be undressing you with his eyes. Your suspicions were confirmed when he commanded, “Take off the clothes.” 

“I will not,” you replied casually, yet with a firmness to suggest that you were not being coy. Never in all your years had you met a man quite so horny. And you had met quite your share of horny men. Your hands crossed in front of your chest and your hip jutted out to the side. 

He stepped in closer so that the two of you were chest to chest. You would not be intimidated. You would remain clothed and on your feet. “I’m not in the habit of repeating myself,” he warned you. Maybe you would get to witness one of his famous tantrums over this. Part of you was nervous but the other part curious and intrigued.

“Neither am I,” you assured him. His hand moved so quickly that you didn’t have time to even think about blocking it before his fingers were curled around the fabric of your shirt. He yanked it up over your head, knocking your chin in the process. His movements were so swift and strong you were left helpless and, now, topless. 

You covered your bare chest with your arm. Not that you had ever been one to care deeply about modesty, but that wasn’t the point. He did not deserve to see your beautiful tits and so you would not give him the pleasure. 

He grabbed your belt before you could step away and ripped it from your waist before curling it around your hand. Your heart both skipped a beat and fell into your stomach. Oh the things he could do to you with that belt. It remained wrapped around his hand and he grabbed your pants with both hands and just tore the fabric until you were left in nothing but your boots and, luckily, some underwear. 

“You got what you wanted,” you growled at him. Your body was stiff as it prepared to be bent over and fucked but, instead, he walked away. What had been the point of all that?! It had to be humiliation! What an ass!

“I don’t share my things. You will not wear my clothes,” he explained even though he really felt no obligation to do so. This whole thing was about his inability to share his possession then. What a child! You couldn’t believe that you were stripped down because he didn’t want you to wear fresh, clean clothes. Fuck him. 

It wasn’t only that, though he’d never explain it further to you. He would be embarrassed if you left this room wearing his clothes. What would that tell the entire crew? That you were his cute, little pet and you were allowed to play dress-up with his things? That wouldn’t fly and so he had stopped that in its tracks right away. 

“I want clean clothes,” you stated. You stood there, still covering your breasts, unmoving. Pulling your old clothes back on would make you feel dirty and defeated. If you were to stay here indefinitely then you were going to need to be accommodated.

Kylo raised his hands to his helmet as if he were preparing to take off his mask. If you hadn’t spoken then, out of habit, he probably would’ve taken it off. He dropped his hands to his side and turned back around to face you. Damnit! Why was he so adamant about hiding his face? You had become certain that he was horribly disfigured and that the only good thing he had going for him was his massive package. Maybe he was afraid that if you saw his face then you’d never suck his dick again. It was laughable because you’d never suck it again anyway. 

“I can get you clothes in exchange for something,” he cooed and stepped closer to you. Out of instinct, you took a step back. He could ask for sex or for another blowjob or to see your tits but it didn’t matter because you weren’t going to sacrifice your dignity. Besides, you had a feeling he would get you something so skimpy that you might as well remain naked anyway. 

He took another step closer to you so you took another step back. You winced as you realized you were against the wall and there was nowhere else for you to go. “I want you to tell me where the ancillary Resistance bases are.” 

“You can’t be serious. Surely you’ve taken plenty,” you scoffed. Was destroying the heart of the Resistance not enough? He had to hunt down and destroy those lucky enough to have survived. Your skin grew hot from your boiling blood. “Those who are left are not capable of rising from the ashes. There is nothing they can offer you and they pose no threat. Without a leader, they are not strong. I will not lead cause their deaths as I did the others.”

What had really stung was that he thought you would turn against your friends and families just to be clothed. Did he think so little of you? Surely you have proven that you’re stronger and more resilient than that. Just because you had let his cock slide down your gullet doesn’t change the fact that you had also stolen his lightsaber and attempted to cut him down. 

He reached his hand out and you felt a pull in your mind. His patience for you was wearing thin for you were far more trouble than you were worth. Your head slammed back against the wall and you fought harder to keep him out since he had seemingly dug in so easily last time. 

Since you were fighting against him harder, it felt like your mind was being squished and pulled apart like putty at the same time. As hard as you fought it, a scream erupted from your throat and you fell to your hands and knees. 

“Nal Hutta. A dangerous place to hide. How did you manage that?” Kylo remarked and lowered his hand. There were several small bases thrown around the galaxy but that was probably the best one for him to pull from your mind. 

You laughed cynically. “Good luck! You think the Hutts are going to let anyone from the First Order even get past Nar Shaddaa?” It had taken years of negotiations and a bit of lying, gambling, and bartering for the Hutts to allow just three of your spies to reside in a tiny base on their swampy home world. Most offworld visitors conducted their business on the moon, Nar Shaddaa, which meant that few ever landed on the planet, itself. Even then, it was a crime haven and safe for no one. 

Kylo Ren knew the issues they might have attempting to reach the rebels hiding out on Nal Hutta. But not only did he plan on wiping every single member of the Resistance off the board, but there was more information he was after. Rumors that he needed to confirm to be true. 

“You want to know the real kicker?” you asked, still chuckling. “Even if you somehow manage to find them, they’re Toydarians!” Kylo could try all he wanted but he would not be able to reach into their minds for they were resistant to Jedi mind tricks, just as the Hutt are, too. It would be a waste of time for him to even consider forming an attack considering the obstacles he would have to face; the reward would be so little compared to the cost. 

He moved over to his wardrobe and opened a special drawer. A pile of clothes were dropped beside you as he stormed out of the room. It would be pretty amusing if he threw one of his fits; you were only disappointed that you wouldn’t get to see it. For now, you focused on pulling on your clothes. That whole mess could’ve been avoided if only you had been lucky enough to grab the correct clothing initially it seemed. 

In his anger, Kylo had forgotten to lock you in the room. Finally! Sneaking around the halls would allow you to (hopefully) gain some secrets while also giving your mind a break. Pacing and stirring in that room forced you to ask a million questions that no one seemed to want to answer and that was just making you go insane. You still didn’t know what your purpose here was and why you were no longer in a cell. Perhaps snooping around would offer you some answers. 

At first, you were nervous that you would be caught sneaking around. But as you crept down halls and hid around walls, your cover was blown by two bored-looking officers who were more curious about why you were crouching than why you weren’t in Kylo’s quarters. From there on out, you moved brazenly through the halls. Since you were dressed in black, as someone in the First Order would be, and walked with confidence, no one really paid mind to you. The ship was too large for everyone to know everyone so it’s not like they could confirm or deny whether or not you belonged. 

If only you had some way to mark where you were going to remember for the future! It was easy to remember where the first few hangars were because they were the first things you passed. But you also came across trash compactors, the door that led to the shield generators, and an armory. The armory definitely intrigued you. 

Stepping inside, you were careful to make sure that the room was empty so as not to raise suspicion. It was safe to assume that only stormtroopers had regular access to this area so if you got caught in here, you’d be in some major trouble. 

There were plenty of blasters hung neatly on the walls. Your fingers traced over them gently as you prepared to holster one. But it was what was on the far wall that really grabbed your attention. All of the melee weapons were also lined up neatly. You were drawn to the Z6 baton. It wasn’t deadly but it was perfect for deflecting lightsabers. Normally, you needed a special magnetic glove to ensure that the heavy baton stayed in your grip but it just so happened to be that your right hand was now robotic and so you didn’t have to worry about hunting down the glove. 

You were perusing through the other weapons, still not even quite sure exactly when you’d use them and on whom, but you were preparing yourself. Part of you had accepted that you didn’t have a life off of this ship and that there was nothing waiting for you. But what was waiting for you here? A supposed power that Kylo had yet to show you? Whatever. The main concern now was getting away from here so you could protect the few straggling survivors of the Resistance. 

Just as you were preparing to leave, you heard a stampede of footfall enter the room. “Shit,” you muttered under your breath. You were going to be in for it now. There wasn’t really anywhere to hide so you had to decide if you were going to drop your weapons and play dumb or if you were going to fight your way out. Well, you weren’t a quitter so you activated the baton which caused the contact conductor veins to shoot out and light up. Unfortunately, this wouldn’t kill anyone but it was going to leave quite a few bruises.

“Put the weapon down, now!” Your mistake was assuming that the troopers would be unarmed; they were coming into the armory after all! But they all pulled out their blasters and aimed them at you. Had there been less of them, you definitely would’ve had the balls to take them on but you were certain that you’d get shot before taking out even half of them. 

You weren’t going down without taking out at least one person so you chucked the baton to the floor with enough speed and at the right angle to electrocute and knock down two of the stormtroopers. “Oops,” you smiled. As far as they were concerned, that could’ve been an accident. You raised your hands up. “So, is one of you going to take me in?” You had a small blaster hidden in the waistband of your pants so if you were escorted out of here by just one or two stormtroopers then you could take them on. 

It was a real shame to leave the baton behind when it would’ve been the perfect defense against Kylo should you ever need it. But you still had that blaster and that counted for something. Three of the troopers shared a look before forcing you out into the hall. Again, your hands were put into restraints which was just plain annoying. Now it would be much harder to get to your blaster since it was hidden on your backside and not near your hips or your frontside. You’d find a way to make it work. 

The stormtroopers led you down the hall and back towards the first room you had been in - the torture room. Maybe they hadn’t received the memo that you were, for whatever unknown reason, staying in Kylo’s quarters now. “Boys, I think we’re headed the wrong way,” you warned them but they didn’t seem to care. 

You were shoved into the torture room and strapped down in the chair - one pair of restraints again traded for another. For a moment you debated demanding that they fetch Kylo Ren because surely he would free you. But that would require you putting far too much trust in someone who was supposed to be your enemy. Besides, who knew how angry he would be when he found out that you had been lurking around. The best option would be to somehow escape and make it back before he realized. 

“I’ve already given information to Ren,” you informed the stormtroopers. While you could endure more torture, it’s not like you wanted to! “I’m sure that he’s currently setting a course to the Y’Toub system as we speak. So there’s no need to do anything brash.”

They only chuckled and let the door slide shut. “Rumor has it that Kylo Ren only keeps you around because of your body,” the first one cooed and circled you. Your hands curled into fists and pulled against your restraints. This was not going to go well. 

The other two troopers laughed. “I heard you begged for him to fuck you. You’re a cheap, little slut aren’t you?” the second one teased. His hand moved over the front of your shirt until his fingers came in contact with your nipples. He chuckled and pinched them. Your face was bright red from both humiliation and anger. Once you were out of these restraints, these men were going to die and you’d make it especially painful. 

Circling around you, the troopers took turns grabbing handfuls of your hair or slipping their palms across your center. Just as one of them dared to inch down your pants, the door opened and they immediately scrambled. The hum of an ignited lightsaber told you all you needed to know. Their bodies were flung across the room as Kylo’s hand flew out. He smashed and destroyed things with his lightsaber. Two of the troopers, by some miracle, managed to scurry out of the room with their lives. . . though, they’d have to report to their superiors and were very likely going to wish they had just let Kylo strike them down by the time their captains were done with them. The other trooper, the first one who had touched you, was unconscious on the ground. 

Kylo released you from the chair but he was clearly so angry that you didn’t dare speak. Your tongue frequently had a mind of its own and even if you attempted to thank him, your concern was that you’d somehow make it snarky or sarcastic. Besides, it seemed like he wasn’t just angry at the stormtroopers but angry at you. You were afraid to step out of the chair until he put his lightsaber back on his belt. 

That’s when you lunged for his weapon. He was getting very tired of you stealing his saber. You pressed the button, spun around, and brought it down on the stormtrooper. His head separated from his body. The only regret you had was that he wasn’t awake to see you kill him. You pressed the button again and extinguished the blade. Passing by Kylo as you moved into the hall, you shoved his weapon against his chest. 

Out of everything you could’ve done in that situation (tried to run, stayed frozen in fear, groveled and thanked him, etc), he had not been expecting you to do that. Not only that, but you had done it with such precision, clarity, and certainty. There hadn’t been a moment where you debated whether or not you should decapitate that man. Your body hadn’t even been rigid with rage. That was the strength he had been referring to. You were on the precipice of your power and it just took killing an unarmed, unconscious man for you to truly understand that. 

Kylo escorted you back to his room but it was unnecessary. “I’ve learned my lesson,” you growled. The last thing you were in the mood for was to be scolded. Being molested had been punishment enough. Your ego was bruised and you were in the mood to wash off the feeling of their hands. The only thing that would drive you to leave the room again, at least for now, would be the desire to kill the two troopers who had gotten away. 

“What did I tell you before taking you to the command deck?” he asked you. His voice remained level but it was clear that he was teetering on the edge of falling into a complete rage. He was coming down from an anger-high and you knew full well how easy it was to get worked up again. Because of that, you, again, tried to dial back your snarkiness. 

You exhaled slowly and replied begrudgingly. “That everything I had to offer was yours,” you growled. Well, in an attempt to hold back on your sarcasm, your reply had been far more hostile. It still made your body rigid with anger. There was nothing you wanted to give to him and he had already taken so much. 

Kylo drew closer to you and you lifted your chin up defiantly to meet his eyes through his mask. “You shouldn’t have snuck off and allowed someone else to take what was mine,” he scolded you. Your nose twitched and your lips curled in disgust. YOU WERE NOT HIS!

“I wouldn’t have snuck off if you didn’t keep me here as a prisoner! What else was I to do?!” you finally snapped back. If you were going to be kept like a prisoner and confined to one space, then you were going to do what every prisoner would do: try and escape. This was his own doing. 

His hand whipped out and his gloved fingers curled around your neck. “You’re not a prisoner. You’re my guest,” he corrected you. You grabbed his wrist and tightened your grip in hopes that at least your robotic hand would squeeze hard enough that he would let go. 

“Is this how you treat your guests?” you grunted. He yanked you closer so that you were face to face. If he hadn’t been wearing his mask, you wondered if he would’ve kissed you. Would you have kissed him back? You were too scared to learn the answer. 

Your chest heaved heavily and your heart pounded a steadily increasing rhythm against your ribs. His grip around your neck loosened enough for you to pull away. You stumbled backwards and tripped onto the bed. He moved over slowly and towered over you. “Someone has to teach you how to behave,” he explained. So maybe you felt like a prisoner but that was only because you hadn’t earned the privilege of freedom quite yet. 

He moved over you on the bed which caused a fire to ignite between your legs. Instinctually, your legs spread open. You hated yourself for it but there was a magnetism he had that caused your brain to short circuit; you weren’t thinking with your head anymore but with your body. 

Kylo’s hand moved up your side causing your breath to hitch. His fingers trailed up to your shoulder and down your arm where he gently tangled his fingers with yours. He was being surprisingly gentle which wasn’t normally a turn-on for you but it was such a change of pace that your center grew even wetter. 

But, you had betrayed the small amount of trust he already had in you by sneaking out. To make it more difficult for you to try and pull another stunt like this again, he clapped handcuffs around your wrists. “Seriously!” you snapped and leapt up from the bed. He hadn’t been trying to lead you on but he had been keeping you calm enough that he could restrain you without having you resist. “Coward! Next time you can restrain me like a man!” 

He had been on his way out of the door but he spun around, slowly and menacingly. His arm flew out and you were thrown up against the ceiling and held there. “Remember what happened the last time you didn’t watch your tongue,” he reminded you. You didn’t need any help remembering. The image of his large, throbbing cock, slick from your spit, was not one you’d soon forget. 

As he moved out the door, your body dropped to the ground. How could he be gentle one second and then so rough the next? What did he want from you?! You were going to find out the next time he came to see you. Enough was enough. It was time to figure out your role here.


	4. Apotelesma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get steamy between you and Ren

Had it not been for your new, robotic hand then you never would’ve been able to break out of your restraints. But here you were with the cuffs dangling off of your left wrist as your right hand worked on snapping it off. Once you had done so, you thought about hiding the evidence but as soon as Ren saw you moving your hands around he would know you freed yourself. Fine. Let him. 

You paced back and forth by the door. He had been more careful to lock you in but what he didn’t know is that you had a blaster. Even though you had claimed that you had learned your lesson and that you wouldn’t sneak out, there was only one thing on your mind: finding the two other stormtroopers who thought they could get away with touching you. 

Finally, you broke. You shot at the door and it popped open. Brazenly, you had moved out into the hall. Unsure of where else to find them, you moved back towards the armory. Your pace slowed as you drew closer and heard the sound of chatter. It was undeniable - those were their voices. Those were the men who had called you names. The words still echoed in the back of your mind and you were dead set on deafening them.

Their heads turned to face you as you stepped into the room. Kylo must’ve scared them shitless because there were no witty remarks, no lustful gazes, no attempts to touch you. They were frozen in fear. You ran your tongue over the front of your teeth. “You’re afraid of him. Well, you should be more afraid of me,” you growled.

Pulling the blaster from your waistband, you wasted no time in firing at them both. They weren’t going down so easy, though, so you shot them in their knees. Stepping over their bodies, you moved to the back wall and grabbed a baton. This weapon wasn’t designed to kill but to stun. Whoever designed the weapon hadn’t had you in mind.

The baton buzzed with electricity. You moved over to the first trooper and kicked his helmet off. He rolled over and looked you dead in the eyes as you slammed the weapon down over his neck. The conductor veins jabbed each side of his neck and sent electricity shooting through his body. You left the weapon there and allowed him to fry. 

You moved over to the other trooper who was trying to scoot away. He wasn’t going to get far. Your foot rested on his chest and you pressed the barrel of the gun to his helmet. You shot through the material twice. The first trooper had stopped making a noise and had even stopped twitching. Good, your work was done here. You tucked your blaster back in your pants.

After deciding not to push your luck further for the day, you headed back to Kylo’s quarters. On your way down the hall, you heard a familiar voice and it sounded like it was in agony. You quickened your pace into a jog which then hurried into a sprint. 

As you moved into the doorway, you saw a man in an orange jumpsuit restrained to the same torture chair you had been in the day prior. Kylo Ren was standing in front of him with his back to the door which was fortunate since it allowed you to slam against the wall of the hallway, out of sight. You were breathless and confused. Remaining just outside of the door, you covered your mouth to quiet your breathing so you could better eavesdrop. “Tell me where to find Skywalker,” Kylo demanded as he reached into the rebel’s mind. Lieutenant Aldes was a junior controller so what was he doing here now? He almost never left D’Qar. . . 

Everything clicked into place. You bolted back to Kylo’s quarters and pulled out your blaster. Leaning up against the wall beside the door, you waited for him to pass through. The moment he stepped into the room, you were going to blast him in the head. 

Kylo had been feeding you lies. He wasn’t keeping you around because of some innate power he wanted to unlock. It didn’t even seem like he was keeping you around just so he could stick his penis in you! If Lieutenant Aldes was here, that meant that the base on D’Qar was still intact and everyone was still alive! He had been manipulating you this entire time because he must be hoping you’ll somehow lead him to Luke!

Well, the jig was up. Once you had killed Kylo, you were going to rescue Aldes and any other Resistance members that might be on board before stealing a ship and getting out of there! It felt good to have a cause again. The past few days had left you confused and directionless. 

It felt like ages as you waited for Kylo to return; and the only reason he returned as soon as he did was because he had gotten word of what you had done to those stormtroopers. He came barging through the door. Your finger was pulling down on the trigger when he grabbed your wrist and forced you to blast the ceiling. Damn! Sometimes it was easy for you to forget that he had the Force and could sense things like that. 

You dropped the gun from your right hand and caught it with your left. Even that slick maneuver wasn’t enough to catch Kylo off his guard. He used his free hand to grab your other wrist and he twisted until you were so uncomfortable that the blaster clattered to the floor. “You don’t know when to stop, do you?” he tutted. 

No, you didn’t. After attempting to kick him in the chest, his patience had worn completely thin. He used the Force to slam you against the wall which knocked the wind out of your chest. “You lied to me. The Resistance base on D’Qar is still intact,” you growled. 

He kept you pinned to the wall without touching you which was frustrating since it felt impossible to free yourself like this. “I needed you to believe it wasn’t,” he explained calmly. Since you already knew, there was no point in continuing the ruse. 

“Because you want me to lead you to Skywalker,” you connected the dots for him. 

Kylo shook his head. “No. I looked into your mind and I know you don’t know where to find him,” he corrected you. You scrunched your nose up in confusion. That just didn’t make any sense. 

“Then why?” You were trying your hardest to figure it out on your own. If you believed the Resistance was done, then you might give up the secondary bases more easily. That’s where information regarding Luke’s whereabouts might lie - with the secret agents of the Resistance. But why did he have to trick you? He had been forcing the locations out of you anyway so it all seemed pointless. 

Kylo moved in closer. “I didn’t want you to think you had somewhere to run to,” he explained simply. So he had manipulated you into thinking you were trapped when escape had been just around the corner this whole time. If it were possible, you would’ve burst into flames from how angry that made you. “I’m not quite finished with you yet.” 

Your lips curled into a snarl. “Because you haven’t fucked me?” you asked in a quiet, mocking whisper. 

“I can fuck you whenever I want to,” he clarified, his voice steady and low. His hand shot out and his fingers curled around your neck. You were still completely pinned to the wall because of the Force so you had nothing left to do but stare at him through the eye slot of his mask. 

“But you haven’t,” you pushed it further. His grip tightened around your throat to the point where, if he squeezed any harder, it would be impossible to breathe. 

Kylo leaned his head in closer. His words, somewhat robotic because of the distortion the mask caused, vibrated heavily which caused the hair on your arms to rise. “You’re assuming I want to,” he teased right back. The worst part about it was that you weren’t sure if he really did. Just because he had throatfucked you once didn’t mean he wanted you again. He had to have felt the electricity from before, too. 

Did that mean he felt it now, again, as you did? As much as you hated to admit it, you would be disappointed and butthurt if he didn’t want to have you. It was partially an ego thing but mostly it was you worried about the ever growing flame between your legs that had been ignited days ago and left unattended. If it were to burn much longer, who knew what damage might be left in its wake!

“You do,” you whispered. 

To which he replied, “I think it’s you that does.” That made you angrier but only at the realization that it was somehow true. He could feel that anger bubbling inside of you but that meant he could feel everything else that was ready to boil over as well. 

The moment you felt him release you from his Force grip, you grabbed his wrists and kneed him between the legs which was finally enough to get him to let go of your neck. “Think again.” You pulled away as he stepped back to gather himself. The gun was on the other side of the room. After getting a running start, you slid across the floor to grab it. Kylo stepped on your hand before you could grab it which, luckily, was robotic now so at least it didn’t hurt.

He used his other boot to flip you onto your back. Kylo knelt down and pinned your chest to the floor with his knee. If he wasn’t such a behemoth of a man then you might’ve had the strength to knock him over but he was unmoving. “You’re only just beginning to come into yourself. It would be a shame if I had to take your other hand from you,” he stated simply. 

“You’re a monster,” you spat. He was a killer and ruthless yet your loins ached for the sweet relief that only he could provide. Surely he was using some sort of Jedi mind trick to seduce you! That only made him worse.

He nodded slowly, contemplatively. “And you aren’t?” he countered. There was no question; he knew exactly who he was and all he had done and could do. Yet, here you were spouting hypocritical insults at him as if you hadn’t just killed three men. “I know what you’ve done.”

You defended yourself by clarifying, “They deserved it for what they had done.” Until the day you died, you would stand by that and there would be no guilt. He could try as hard as he wanted but there would never be a moment where you regretted killing those stormtroopers. Maybe that was his point. . . 

Kylo slowly stood and released the pressure from your chest which allowed you to sit up. “You didn’t merely shoot them. You killed them with great violence,” he reminded you. Had you just shot them and been on your way, then this wouldn’t have been worth mentioning. But you had killed each man in brutally different ways. “You enjoyed it.” 

That made your stomach knot: the realization that you were a monster. A killer. Your face twitched and you clenched your jaw tightly in a failed attempt to hide your emotions about the subject. “This is just the start of your becoming. You have so much more to offer,” he informed you when you chose not to argue any further. Kylo extended his hand for you to take to help you up. But you only swatted it away and stood on your own. 

“I have nothing to offer. Certainly nothing to offer to you,” you spat. Your fingers itched for the blaster that was still on the floor but you practiced some restraint because you didn’t need him sitting on your chest again. The lack of control drove you absolutely insane. 

He grabbed your chin and lifted your face up. “I can take anything I want from you. There’s no need for you to offer it,” he made clear. If there was something he wanted from you, he would just take it. There would be no asking or waiting for your proposal. To prove his current point, he commanded, “Get on your hands and knees.” He shoved you towards the bed. 

You stumbled toward the bed but caught yourself before tripping over onto it. You spun around and stood your ground defiantly. “Make me,” you stated knowing full well that he was going to. The last thing you’d do was follow his orders without making him work for it even just a little bit. 

Kylo grabbed your throat and flipped you onto the bed so that you plopped down on your stomach. He curled his fingers around your hips and yanked them up so that you were in position. You spent the whole time cursing yourself for giving in so easily to the enemy but there was an irresistible magnetism about him that made you weak. 

He yanked your pants off with such force that you collapsed so he had to reposition you again. You were just close enough to the edge of the bed that he didn’t have to crawl over you. Kylo pushed his pants down and you felt him press against the inside of your thighs; he wasn’t quite hard yet. “If you weren’t so imperious then I could’ve helped with that,” you commented. Your hands could work wonders just as your mouth could; but he had been adamant about you being on your hands and knees so he’d just have to get it up all by himself. 

Well, mostly by himself. You did roll your hips back against his impatiently. Perhaps that wasn’t the best move because he never seemed to reward you for anything you did - he only punished you, regardless of what it was for. His cock twitched and grew until it was at its fullest length. The bastard wasted no time in sliding it inside your body. . . only he slid it through your back entrance instead. 

A deep moan reverberated through your chest, your throat, and past your lips. Your fingers dug into his sheets and curled the fabric into the palms of your hands. As you buried your face in the bed, there was a sharp tug on your head as Kylo grabbed a fistful of your hair. He wanted to hear your moans and your cries without them being muted by the covers. 

He pressed into you with slow, lengthy thrusts. Each time he pressed inside you, a low and sultry sound would roll over your tongue. Your core dripped which only increased the volume of your cries. It was so unfair that you would bless him with two orgasms while he left you without a single one. Had he not been holding your head back, you would’ve used your forehead as balance so that your hand might offer some relief for your aching loins. 

Your body ached, initially, as his girth forced itself through your small, tight exit. But the longer he pumped his length inside you, the more your body adjusted to his shape and size. Soon enough you were biting the inside of your cheek to spare him the satisfaction of hearing your pleasured moans; best he didn’t get too full of himself. 

You gasped as his gloved hand slapped your rear end; the leather causing it to sting only slightly less than it would’ve had he taken the glove off. Your body lunged forward as he slapped the same spot again. A welt in the shape of his hand formed which caused him to smirk under the mask. He slapped you again. “Fuck,” you muttered under your breath. The grip around your hair tightened.   
Just as you felt like you might be able to achieve some sort of satisfaction, you felt him slowly pull out. Kylo had finished inside you and his seed leaked down your leg. You growled and used his sheets to clean yourself up before tossing it to the floor. 

It was in his posture - the pride he felt. You didn’t even need to see his face to read how he felt. You were a conquest and he had just achieved victory for the second time. It filled you with justifiable rage. As he attempted to leave the room, you grabbed his shoulder and spun him back around. “You don’t get to just leave,” you informed him. 

Your knees felt wobbly and you wanted to lie down. Damn him for pounding into you so recklessly! Staying true to your character, you forced yourself to ignore the unpleasant sensations so as not to further bolster his pride. “You’re going to take off the helmet and you’re going to fuck me good and proper.” 

Kylo tilted his head ever so slightly to the side. “Make me,” he said and pulled away from your grasp. Oh how you wanted to. He could sense that you wanted to and so he remained for only a moment to see if you had the guts to try. Of course you did; you never backed down from a challenge. 

You pushed him backwards against the wall and pressed your body closely to his. Your fingers moved up his arms and towards his helmet. Just as your fingers curled around his mask, he grabbed your wrists and turned the tables by pinning you to the wall. He kept your arm curled tightly against your back while your cheek pressed into the cool metal siding. “Fuck you,” you hissed. Why even bother teasing you if he wasn’t going to allow you to follow through?! 

His free hand moved across your hips and down between your legs. His finger teased your slit but he didn’t dip between your folds quite yet. “That’s no way to talk to me,” he scolded even though it certainly wasn’t the first time you had told him to fuck off. 

He was definitely a no-good, narcissistic bastard, that was for sure. You could call him that instead of telling him to fuck off but you had a sneaking suspision that that wasn’t the kind of change he was looking for. “What would you rather I do? Beg? Call you ‘Master’?” you mockingly asked him. 

“Yes.” His finger just barely brushed against your clit which caused every hair on your body to stand at attention. You could bite your cheek and force yourself to breathe steadily, but your body was betraying you by letting him know how desperately you craved his touch. 

When you tried to pull away, he kept you in place by slipping his finger between your folds and across your center which was enough to make you too weak in the knees to run. “You’re dripping wet, you fucking slut,” he cooed in your ear. “I don’t think you’re in any condition to negotiate with my demands.” 

“I will not beg. And the last thing I will ever do is call you anything besides ‘Monster’,” you swore to him. Your body cursed at you because you had physical needs! Couldn’t you swallow your pride just once for the sake of being touched?! He had already put his dick in two places that didn’t benefit you one bit. What you should be doing is shutting your mouth and letting him dip his fingers into your core. 

“You’ll beg,” he assured you. For the first time, he took off his gloves and you got to see just a bit of his flesh. His pale skin, his long fingers, his veins, his large palm. Only now did you truly realize just how large his hands were. At least now you were completely certain he was human; it had been a safe assumption anyway seeing as how the First Order wasn’t very diverse. 

He dipped two fingers inside you which caused you to completely melt into his embrace. You didn’t even need to beg for him to touch you because he did it on his own. Who was the slut now? Well. . . still probably you.

His fingers plunged deep inside your core and curled against the walls. He didn’t even need any added lubrication since, as he had stated, you really were dripping wet. There was no hiding your heavy breathing now. His thumb would flick across your clit just often enough to make your legs tremble but not nearly as often as you wished. It still wasn’t enough to make you beg. Especially since his long fingers were doing enough work to really get you going. 

When he finally let go of your arm, you slid your hand down and held onto his wrist. With his other hand finally free, he allowed his fingers to crawl under your shirt and latch onto your stiffened nipples. He pinched one tightly between your fingers which finally caused you to crack - a deep, sultry moan rolled over your tongue and through your lips.

It felt like you were going to melt right to the floor. If you hadn’t been pushed up against the wall, it was possible that you might’ve. The strength went right out of your knees. Your voice hitched as whispered slurs parted from your tongue. It would’ve been wise for you to keep your mouth shut. 

As your body tensed, ready for the orchestral and orgasmic crescendo, he pulled his hands away and took a step back. It felt as if he had punched you in the back; you had to gasp to catch your breath. “Why did-” You didn’t finish your question because you already knew the answer. He wanted you to beg. 

You leaned your back against the wall and stared him down. You wouldn’t beg. So you did what you had to do and slid your hand between your legs. He didn’t like that so he used the force to slam your hands back against the wall. “You know what you have to do. You don’t get to cum without my permission,” he tutted. 

This man was insufferable! No, he wasn’t a man - a monster! “I’ll just do it when you leave,” you informed him. One of these days, you’d learn to keep your mouth shut. Kylo only nodded and grabbed the restraints you had broken out of earlier and slapped them around your wrists. . . behind your back. 

“You don’t finish until I let you,” he repeated. You sank to your knees. Your core absolutely ached and throbbed. The little bit of attention it received had caused the fire to grow into an uncontrollable inferno that would eat you alive if not tended to. 

As he opened the door to leave, you caved. “Wait! Wait, please. I want to finish,” you muttered with your head hung low. Defeat. Your legs felt weak and you weren’t even sure you could stand at the moment - not until he extinguished the flame he had sparked. He silently faced you which told you enough: you weren’t begging enough. 

You rolled your eyes and pursed your lips as you mustered the strength to actually beg. “Please, I’d do anything to cum.” It was the best you could muster. Apparently it wasn’t good enough even still. 

“You’ll think about that next time then,” Kylo stated. “I have some Toydarians to attend to.” He promptly left you alone in the room and allowed the blaze to consume you. You cried in frustration and laid down with your forehead to the floor. Bastard! Even if he were to return now, he’d have to do the work all over again because orgasms were fleeting and yours was now long gone. 

“Damnit!” you screamed. You had been tricked into thinking your friends were dead, seduced into bed, kept from orgasming, and now he was going to torture more of your allies. This was turning out to be one of the most stressful and disappointing days of your life. 

Wait. . . if he knew where to find the spies, then that meant that you were currently orbiting Nal Hutta. That didn’t make sense! The Hutts wouldn’t let the First Order in their part of space. . . The bastards were probably bribed with money. 

Even still, this presented you with the best opportunity for escape. If you could make it to Nal Hutta (or even Nar Shaddaa), then you’d be much safer from the First Order since they weren’t normally supposed to be in this part of the galaxy. Kylo had made a mistake by leaving that fire in you because it gave you more motivation and passion than ever before.


	5. Asterism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little filler chapter to lead to the next one which I think will be my absolute favorite of the series!

If your hands hadn’t been behind your back then you would’ve gotten more of a headstart and you wouldn’t be in the mess you were in now. You wouldn’t have crash landed a stolen TIE fighter on Nar Shaddaa and you wouldn’t have a dozen troopers on your tail. All because it had taken you extra time to free your hands. Add it to the growing list of reasons you hated Kylo Ren. 

“Fucking Hutts,” you grumbled. So apparently the Hutts were allowing the First Order to retrieve any Resistance fighters hiding on Nal Hutta and its moon because they were no longer willing to put up with it. Better to weed out the Resistance now before the First Order felt comfortable truly invading Hutt Space. It helped that the First Order threw some money their way, too. Money really talked in this part of the galaxy. So there went your entire plan of hiding out in Hutt Space where you had assumed the First Order couldn’t truly reach. 

The biggest issue you really had was how Nar Shaddaa had changed. You hadn’t been in this part of the galaxy in a very long time - back before Han and Leia had taken you in. The old alleyways and paths that you had expected to find and follow were just different enough to disorient you. Before you knew it, you were lost. 

At least it seemed like the stormtroopers following you were lost too. They had lost your scent but that didn’t mean they were far. Since most of the people in this part of the galaxy were criminals, they kept their heads down. But, if it meant saving their hide, they would rat you out in a second so you tried to stay as hidden as possible and you definitely kept moving. At least it wasn’t Ren after you; he couldn’t reach out with the Force now. For now anyway. . . you were left wondering if he would come after you and the tight tug in your gut told you that he would. So you needed to prepare for that. 

You needed a weapon. At least that was one thing that you were able to find easily in this part of the galaxy was a weapon. This is where the pirates, bounty hunters, and scoundrels all gathered. That made it easy to find blasters. . . you just needed to be brave enough (and sneaky enough) to steal one. Good thing was that you were both. 

Back in the day, you had gotten by by stealing and pickpocketing. You didn’t quite have the feather-touch you once had in your youth, but that only meant you had to be more careful in who you tried to steal from - not that you shouldn’t attempt to steal at all. Some beings were a little more sensitive to touch and others weren’t; you felt safest picking a human’s pocket. It took no time for you to find a human who was dumb enough to wear his holster low on his thigh. Easy. And then you were armed. 

Next, you needed a place to hide and lay low for awhile - a place where Ren wouldn’t find you should he decide it was time to hunt you down himself. Your best bet was to sneak off the planet so that he completely lost your scent. So you snuck down to a shipyard where you had to decide between stealing a ship, stowing away, or pretending to join a crew. Stowing away seemed like the best bet so you began to hunt for a cargo ship that was headed anywhere by Nal Hutta. The further you got from this moon, the better. 

As if your day wasn’t bad enough, you couldn’t even make it halfway through the shipyard before you bumped into someone from your past - Dorvon Szem. He was a skilled bounty hunter that worked for Gorga the Hutt. “Never thought you’d be dumb enough to show your face around here again,” Dorvon grinned and grabbed your arm. Szem was Pau’an which was strange since his species was normally very friendly and docile despite their intimidating looks. Dorvon used that to his advantage, though: the sunken eyes, tall height, and pointed teeth. He really wasn’t someone you wanted to run into if you were, say, in a dark alley at night. . . almost like where you were now. 

“Dorvon!” you smiled and pulled your arm out of his grasp. In an attempt to distract him while you backed away, you engaged in some playful banter. “You haven’t aged a day! Guess that’s one of the few things you Ancients are good at. Honestly, you have never looked better!” As you attempted to slip away, he set his blaster to stun and knocked you out. 

It was out of the frying pan and into the fire. Maybe you should’ve stayed with the monster you knew - Kylo Ren. You had made some slow progress with him and if you were patient enough then maybe he would’ve finally stuck his dick inside you and allowed you to orgasm. Maybe he would even let you see you his face in time. But patience had never been one of your virtues. Besides, it wasn’t quite like this threat was new and unfamiliar. You would just have to outthink bounty hunters and gang leaders instead of stormtroopers which was just a tad harder. But you always did like a challenge. 

“Gorga!” you feigned a smile as you realized that you had been brought down to the Hutt homeworld. He had a nice palace that had grown in both size and notoriety since the fall of Gardulla’s palace. You had only been inside a few times but you were fairly certain that you could escape with relative ease should the opportunity arise. Part of you was filled with an unfamiliar sense of doubt; it had taken you far longer than normal to escape from the First Order so maybe you shouldn’t be as proud as you were about your ability to worm out of bad situations. 

“Didn’t expect to be seeing you again so soon,” you chuckled, almost nervously as your gaze darted around the room to evaluate all threats and all possible escape routes. “Did you lose some weight? You’re looking great,” you teased further to try and buy yourself more time before an inevitable punishment was bestowed upon you.

Dorvon poked at your side with a rod that filled your body with electricity. You twitched and fidgeted uncomfortably until he lowered his weapon. “Okay! Okay! I’ll behave,” you relented. Everyone in the galaxy was so touchy and no one seemed to appreciate any form of sarcasm or snark. It was a shame since you were so fluent in both. 

“You’ve been a hard one to pin down, (Y/N) (Y/L/N),” Gorga spoke in Huttese. “It’s not often that someone I put a bounty out for can elude me for as long as you have.” Good thing you spent enough time in this part of the galaxy as a youngling to learn and understand Huttese; any sort of scoundrel could. 

“Well, I take pride in my ability to hide,” you grinned. Dorvon threatened to poke you again but you curved your body away from the rod and gave him a threatening glare. You were behaving but you were not going to change your whole personality. 

“You shouldn’t since I found you,” Dorvon retorted with a prideful smirk. Maybe you understood why everyone hated it when you teased because, honestly, it was just annoying hearing it come from someone else. You only shrugged in reply; in your mind, you were still pretty good at hiding since it had taken about a decade for one of Gorga’s lackeys to find you in the first place. 

Gorga slid around until he was right in front of you. He was rather slim, for a Hutt that is, so he moved fairly quickly. “You took some of my precious weapons. Some of them I have not been able to replace,” he complained. It was true. You had stolen from his grand collection of weapons which is how you had come to own an electrostaff. . among other things. It was the only reason you had entered the palace in the first place ages ago. 

Your hands were restrained in front of you (a sensation you were becoming accustomed to). He snatched your right hand up and looked at your robotic fingers. It caused him to snicker. “Not so sneaky anymore, are you, (Y/L/N)? Look at you. Wee now kong bantha poodoo.” It was so amusing to him that you had not only been captured but that you had lost your hand. You didn’t seem to live up to the reputation you had set for yourself as a youngling. 

“I’ve escaped you once. I’ve escaped the First Order. I’ll escape you again. My metal hand provides me a benefit that my flesh one did not,” you defended yourself. It had been obvious to Gorga that you had lost your arm as some sort of punishment. If you had done it yourself then you would’ve been wise to give it a silicone covering - better to hide that you had an advantage than flaunt it. You didn’t even wear gloves! While he didn’t think the First Order took it, he assumed you had been caught while trying to steal something. He wasn’t quite wrong; you had stolen a lightsaber. 

No more jokes and no more games, it was business now. “Where are my weapons, (Y/L/N)?” Gorga asked. Surely after all of this time, he couldn’t possibly assume that you not only had them all still but that they weren’t damaged in some way. Weapons were not made for collecting or for displaying! They were designed to be used and you had found plenty of joy in using them. 

You cleared your throat and replied in fluent Huttese, “It was so long ago. I can’t say I remember where they ended up.” That, obviously, was not the answer Gorga had been hoping to hear. There would be some sort of punishment and that punishment was very likely going to result in you becoming a slave. That was fine. You would escape before they could even put a transmitter in your body. It wouldn’t be the first time. 

“Well, that won’t do. I still have a hole in my collection that needs fixing,” Gorga tutted. “And I definitely can’t risk you getting away again.” He mentioned to Dorvon to take you away. A metal collar with a chain was slapped around your neck which was used to yank you further into Gorga’s palace. 

You prepared yourself to be stripped down and changed into something demeaning and sexual. At this point, it couldn’t be that different from how you were treated on the Finalizer. At least you had enjoyed yourself, more or less, when you were with Ren. But that’s not what happened. Oh how you wished that’s what had happened. A skimpy outfit where each heaving breath threatened to burst your bra and leave you exposed was far better than what Gorga had planned for you.

Instead, you were led deep into the palace where the pipes and machinery lay. It took awhile for you to realize what was happening because this was a part of Gorga’s home that you had never snuck around. There were rumors that Gorga was a huge fan of his uncle. Once you connected the dots, you had no choice but to attack Dorvon now so you could run away. 

Being handcuffed, chained, and unarmed was definitely a disadvantage but that hadn’t stopped you before. You kicked out Dorvon’s feet easily since he had been fairly comfortable with the idea that you weren’t stupid to try anything on him - except that you certainly were. As he fell to the ground, you yanked the chain out of his hand so that he no longer had a grip on you. 

You spun the chain around in your hand. At the very least, now you were armed. “You’re going to have to kill me before I step foot in that chamber, Dorvon,” you growled and whipped the end of the chain in his direction. He caught it in his hand and yanked you forward with such force that you fell to your knees, skinning them as you slid across the rough floor. 

“That can be arranged, little girl,” he smirked. If you were going to be frozen in carbonite (for what would probably be forever) then you might as well be dead. Dorvon felt pretty certain he could freeze your body in a position that would make you look alive. Gorga had given him orders to make sure that you didn’t die because death was far better than many things in life; Dorvon didn’t care too much. He had already gotten paid. 

Because you had been pulled in closer, it had closed in the distance between your two bodies. The good thing about that was that you were able to grab his blaster from his holster. The bad thing was that he was close enough to grab your hand and force your shot into the ceiling. To further prove that today was just not your day, the shot caused dust and debris to fall into your eyes. The stinging blindness put you at a further disadvantage. 

The room looked fuzzy and blurry. You could only make out the outline of Dorvon’s body which didn’t give you enough time to counter his next move. He grabbed the chain near your throat and lifted you off the ground. You gasped and choked for air as your feet flailed in the air. “You’re going into the chamber whether you like it or not,” he informed you. Maybe you’d die from asphyxiation before he got the chance to freeze you. If there was an afterlife, you’d rather go there than spend eternity as wall decor. 

Dorvon punched you in the nose to further disorient you. What really surprised you was how he managed to cause stars to dance around your head but keep your nose from bleeding. He dropped you to the ground with a heavy thud which caused your whole left side to throb from the impact. He yanked on the chain and dragged you across the floor. 

You kicked and screamed and fought. It just wasn’t enough. As you were pulled up onto the platform where Dorvon chained you in place, you were left with a lot of regrets. Of course, your most recent regret was thinking that Nar Shaddaa was the best place for you to run to. The last thought to run through your head was “What is wrong with me?” because your last hope was that Kylo Ren really would take the time to track you down. He might be the only person in the galaxy capable of rescuing you. . . if even felt like going out of his way to do so. You felt doomed. And then you were frozen in carbonite.


	6. Stellate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are unfrozen from carbonite where you get to see a new side of Ren that you didn't know he had.

There was an uncomfortable warmth that spread across your body before you fell to the floor. The only reason you didn’t fall flat on your face was because you had that metal hand which gave you just a little bit of balance; the rest of your limbs felt like jelly and there was hardly an ounce of strength in your body. 

You blinked rapidly but it appeared you were in complete darkness. No. . . it wasn’t dark. “I can’t see,” you whispered. Blindness was a temporary side effect from hibernation sickness but, nonetheless, you found yourself filling with panic. 

Two large hands scooped you up from the floor and carried your trembling body to a soft bed. Wherever you were, it was freezing! Or maybe that was just another side effect from the hibernation sickness. What other mildly annoying and inconvenient reactions would your body have? Well, at least you had a moment to be thankful you were freed from the carbonite. Except, you didn’t even know where you were or who had just carried you.

“Your vision will return in time,” a voice spoke from right in front of you which made you flinch. The voice was familiar but strange. It was deep and resonant but something was missing. . . it wasn’t metallic or distorted. It couldn’t be!

You reached forward until your hand pressed against what you assumed was his chest. “Ren?” Maybe you hadn’t been so foolish before to assume that he would come for you and that he would be the only one to save you. It was hard to wrap your mind around the fact that he had rescued you! Weren’t the two of you enemies? Or at least enemies with benefits? Yet here you were, back safe with him. And you hated yourself for feeling relieved. 

His hand grabbed your chin and tiled your head from side to side to check you over. “When will you learn not to run from me?” he asked. “There is nowhere in the galaxy you can hide from me.” His voice sounded far silkier than usual and that’s when it dawned on you that he wasn’t wearing his helmet. Damn this blindness! So close and yet so far. 

Your fingertips slowly moved up his body. “That’s not true. I’ll just have to do a better job of it next time,” you corrected him. There was something so warm and familiar about his body and his voice and his presence. It’s why you felt so comfortable as your fingers finally made contact with the flesh of his exposed neck. Your breath hitched and got caught in your throat. 

Kylo wrapped his fingers around your wrist. “You won’t run from me again.” You were unsure if that was a command or if he was stating it as a fact. Regardless, you didn’t have a comeback for him this time. He was satisfied with silence as your answer and released his grip. As your hand moved farther up his neck, your thumb brushed across his chin. 

Even blinded, you could feel his gaze on you. It felt gentle enough - it wasn’t accompanied with the usual heat that accompanied scowling. You were left wondering, though, what he was thinking since you really couldn’t read his expression. Was he just thirsting for your touch or was he curious about what you would do? It was probably both. His hands fell to his side and he allowed you to explore his body freely. 

Your right hand held onto his shirt to act as your anchor; it’s not like you could enjoy the sensation of his skin with your robotic hand anyway. Your left hand felt over his chin before tracing up his jawline. The muscles in his face twitched. Was he nervous? Bashful? It caused you to smile gently. 

As you cupped his cheek, he leaned into your hand ever so slightly. This man really was deprived of touch, wasn’t he? Your thumb traced circles over his skin and barely flicked over the corner of his mouth before moving up over his eyes that fluttered shut. He had thick eyebrows and you took your time tracing over both of them. 

It was ridiculous how quickly your heart was beating. This whole scenario was just ridiculous! Right? You had been frozen in carbonite just moments ago and here you were being intimate with the man who had cut your hand off. After being unfrozen, you should’ve spent more time asking questions like how he had found you and how long it had taken him to free you. Instead, you were only curious about the shape of his lips. 

Your head cocked to the side as your forefinger trailed down his big nose. After flicking off the tip, your fingers landed on his upper lip. It took a conscious effort to remind yourself to breathe. In fact, you hadn’t even realized how close your bodies had become. Your thumb caught on his lower lip as you pulled your hand away. 

The room was completely still and absolutely silent save for the sound of your breathing and the thundering of his heartbeat. What was he waiting for? Wasn’t this the same man who had demanded you open your mouth so he could jam his cock down your throat? It could’ve been your characteristic impatience, but it was probably more your impulsiveness in order to avoid getting cold feet, but you leaned up to where you assumed his lips were. 

Even if you had miscalculated, it wouldn’t have mattered. He moved in and his lips crashed against yours. The kiss was warm and natural and pleasant. His hands moved around your waist before laying you back. As he climbed over you, careful to never break the kiss, your hands moved up his arms and around his neck. You played with the ends of his hair; the length of his hair had taken you by surprise initially but it made sense. Most First Order men had shorter, groomed hair but Kylo Ren wasn’t just First Order. He was part of the Dark Side - wild and unruly just as his hair was. Your fingers easily got tangled in his strands. 

He pushed your lips further apart with his tongue and stole the breath from your lungs. Your body arched up against his and closed off any space that remained between the two of you. His hands moved from your hips and up your back where he kept you pressed close. You felt his heart hammering in his chest against your own. 

His lips finally left your own as he moved down your neck. Where had this man been the whole time? You’d have been less likely to run if he had been this romantic before. But the circumstances felt different now. It was almost as if you could sense his intentions: he didn’t want to take advantage of you when you were in such a delicate state and, even more, he had not liked that you had been taken from him and frozen in carbonite. He wasn’t just angry about it, he was upset. There was no way he had feelings for you. . . right?

After placing a plethora of kisses all over your neck and clavicle, he laid you down so he could better undress you. He grabbed the fabric of your shirt and pulled it slowly over your head before casting it aside. Oh what you would give to see his face and his hungry, lustful eyes. You didn’t even know what color his eyes were but for whatever you felt positive that they were warm and enigmatic. 

You fumbled clumsily with the fabric of his own clothing. Damn this hibernation sickness and damn being blind! It couldn’t wear off fast enough. “Help me,” you uncharacteristically whispered and you could’ve sworn he chuckled. After stripping you completely down, he took over undressing himself since it was going to go much faster if he just did it himself. 

As your fingers moved over his body, you gasped. His body was firm and muscled and his chest felt far wider than it looked. Your touches were so feathery and light that it tickled at his skin. He took your hand and tangled your fingers together. While you wanted to protest and demand that he allow you the courtesy of feeling over his body, the feel of his hand in yours felt so pure that you wanted to savor the feeling as long as you could. 

Again you inhaled sharply as he leaned down and placed a kiss between your breasts, which took you by surprise. His tongue curled around one of your hardened nipples just long enough to get a squeak out of you before kissing back up to your lips. The muscles in your body were still numb and like putty and yet they had stiffened with anticipation. 

Finally, you felt a stiffness against the top of your thighs that coaxed them further open. His fingers remained laced between yours but his free hand guided his member through your already wet opening. He caught your lower lip between his teeth as you gasped. You had gone through quite a lot to get to this point but finally he was inside you good and proper. And it felt just as good as you had imagined, if not better. 

Now that he was inside you, he rested his free hand beside your head for better balance. His pace quickened though it remained at a slower, steadier rhythm. You felt each stroke in its entirety. Each vein and curve of his cock as he pressed deeper inside your core. Your own free hand moved across his body and rested on his backside where your fingers dug in deep enough to leave marks that would bruise. Good. All things considered, he was as much yours as you were his. 

You hadn’t considered it up until this moment, but you weren’t sure how you would react if you had learned that you weren’t the only girl that Kylo was seeing. It was so silly and naive. This unadulterated moment of passion was not going to suddenly make you fall in love with your captor. The last thing you should care about was whether or not he was faithful to you since you shouldn’t be falling back into his arms (and onto his dick) every time the opportunity presented itself. Yet, here you were, getting jealous over something that you couldn’t even confirm to be true. 

Kylo had been able to sense your worries and your jealousy. “I told you I would make you full again,” he reminded you. Was that his way of trying to smooth out your worries? It was a pretty pitiful attempt even if it had done the job. Of course you were his only focus. . . at least currently. There was no way he would go through all of this trouble for just anyone. 

Your lips had grown raw from all of the kissing and the friction so you pulled away. Not only that, but you needed to catch your breath. Each moan created a melody against the harmony of his own impassioned grunts and sighs that created a symphony; and you were ready to crescendo into the finale. 

Terrified of being denied yet another orgasm, you bit the inside of your cheek until the coppery taste of blood trickled over your tongue. Yet as your legs spasmed, your toes curled, and your core tightened, Kylo remained inside you. So you allowed yourself to relish in the climax. Your back arched and the walls of your center tightened around his throbbing cock, dripping with precum. Your fingernails dug into the flesh of his hand that was still gripping your own. Screaming out “Kylo” didn’t feel organic to you, so you just moaned loudly instead as the endorphins flooded each crevice of your being. 

Your body trembled in delight. Since you were still shaking off that hibernation sickness, it only took one go for your body to feel completely weak and exhausted. But he wasn’t quite finished yet. In fact, he had barely gotten started. Kylo rolled you onto your side and moved beside you, spooning your body against his own. Again you were able to revel in the beauty that was his sculpted body. Each of his muscles pressed against your backside as his large, burly arms wrapped around you. 

He took a handful of your breast with the hand underneath you and the arm that crossed over your body traced up your form leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. That hand eventually settled around your neck though he was careful to keep his grip loose this time. Part of you wished he would really choke you but, since you were already at such a disadvantage currently, you decided that he could try it again more vigorously at a later time. You cursed yourself for admitting that you not only wanted but expected this to happen again. 

“Fuck,” you moaned as he continued to pump inside you from this new angle. Your core was already extra sensitive since you had just finished and his cock was the perfect length and size to hit all of your most sensitive nerves. Your body trembled and shook as your eyes rolled back into your head. Just as you felt as if you might achieve one of those seemingly near-impossible multiple orgams, you felt him press inside your core as deep as he could reach. His forehead pressed against the back of your head and with a grunt he emptied his seed inside you. As he slowly pulled out of you, you felt his warmth follow and drip down your thigh. 

The two of you laid there, so close and tenderly, and caught your breaths. He turned your head so you were angled better for him to kiss you. There wasn’t a sweeter taste than his lips. It had only taken one hit for you to become so addicted. 

You rolled over and wrapped your arms around him as his hand trailed down your side before cupping your ass. “How did you find me?” you asked him quietly as your fingers curled around the ends of his hair. Your other hand rested gently on his swollen lips to feel them move as he spoke since you couldn’t see them. 

“There’s nowhere in the galaxy you can hide from me,” he replied, which didn’t quite answer your question. 

“You knew that Gorga the Hutt was looking for me, didn’t you?” you smiled before furrowing your eyebrows. “How much do you know about me?” You propped yourself up on one arm and looked down at him, though your gaze didn’t fall directly on his face. He turned your chin so that you were facing him. 

It felt like he was obsessed with you. Truly, it made sense. It would explain why he went to such lengths to find you, to keep you from running. It explained why you were allowed to stay in his quarters instead of a cell. When he didn’t answer, you probed him further. “What do you want with me? I don’t want to hear that shit about helping me find my potential or whatever either.” There had to be another reason he was hooked on you. And maybe if he told you the truth, you could finally understand the magnetism you felt towards him. 

Kylo reached up and cupped your face. “You’ll understand in time,” he assured you. Surprisingly, that answer didn’t quite infuriate you. Patience wasn’t your virtue but at least it felt like you were making more progress than having him repeat that you had some sort of strength that you didn’t know about. That cheesy line hadn’t worked on you the first time and it certainly wouldn’t work on you now. 

“Can’t you tell me now?” you tried shooting your shot. You placed your hand over his and leaned into his palm. His hand was so large that he could’ve covered your entire face if he wanted to. 

“No.” He sat up and pressed his lips to yours again. You were speaking far too much and he hoped that his mouth would be enough to shut you up. It was. 

Kylo pulled his hand from your face but held onto your fingers. He stopped kissing you long enough to guide your fingers to your mouth where he dipped them inside. You felt him harden against you once more as you sucked on your fingers to wet them. Then he guided your hand to his stiff, twitching cock. As your fingers curled around his member, his hand covered your own. He guided your hand up and down slowly until he was completely erect again. 

“Lay down,” he instructed you to which you immediately obeyed. Just as you began to spread your legs for him again, he grabbed the behind of both of your knees to chuck them over his shoulders. You were still wet from your previous escapade but he spit between your legs to further lubricate everything anyway. 

As he pushed into you, you realized that this new position allowed him to pump even further inside of your core. Your left hand gripped onto his bed while your right covered your mouth to try and damped the intensity of your moaning. Your stomach filled with butterflies that eventually escaped into the rest of your body as you quickly approached yet another orgasm. 

Kylo’s grip around your legs tightened as your muscles spasmed from delight. A whole slur of expletives spilled from your mouth so quickly that it sounded more like one jumbled sound. Your screams, even through your fingers, were loud enough to mask the sound of his excited grunts and the clap of his body slamming against yours. 

You had to reach out and place a hand on his chest to signal you needed a break, even if just for one moment. Maybe it was the loss of one sense that strengthened the others but even the gentlest touch sent a shiver through your body. You were left completely breathless and weak in the knees. Kylo pulled out of you and let you take a breather but only long enough for him to adjust himself on the bed beside you. 

He laid on his back and pulled you onto his lap. The two of you worked together by using both of your hands to guide him back inside of your center as you took him from the top. Your forehead pressed to his as he gripped your rear end to encourage you to take him deeper. Your cunt ached but in the very best way as he stretched your walls with his size. 

Sometimes his lips would catch your own but mostly you shared a small space and traded heaving breaths. His hands moved to your waist as he approached his own climax and he pressed you down completely over his cock. You threw your head back and screamed as the onset of a surprise, second orgasm shook your body; it hadn’t been accompanied by the usual growing heat that most orgasms enjoyed. Because of that, it felt stronger and sharper like a bolt of ecstasy was sent straight through your spine. Your walls tightened around him as he loosed his seed in you once again. 

“Fuck me,” you whispered and fell to the bed beside him. He laid there panting, same as you, which caused you to smile. This experience had been oddly humbling - especially considering that this was the most consensual and balanced sex you had had with the man (compared to him normally dominating your body to fulfill his own needs). It had shown you that he was just that, though: a man - not a monster. There was a person behind that mask and, even if it was still astonishingly baffling to you, he had some sort of feelings for you. There was a tenderness that he hid with apathy and a sensitivity he masked with brutality. And dammit if you weren’t falling for him. 

It left you hoping and praying that this wasn’t some sort of ruse. How could it be though? What would he gain from this? You had made it perfectly clear that all he had to do was be a little firm with you and you’d be willing to swallow his cock. You changed your prayer; hopefully that’s not why he had been so sensitive with you. Contrary to your actions, you weren’t some whore and if that’s what he was thinking then you were going to have to stop putting out. . . even if the sex had just gotten very, very good. 

Kylo didn’t seem like the kind of man to want to snuggle but you rested your head on his chest anyway. The fact that your hibernation sickness hadn’t worn off had you stressed and anxious. It sucked not being able to see. “Will you let me see your face now?” you asked. It wasn’t fair that you had gone this long and done so much with him. You wouldn’t even be able to pick him out of a crowd!

He only tilted your chin up and kissed you. It felt as if he was saying ‘no’ but since he didn’t actually vocalize it, you were going to keep your hopes up. What he did say was what he had been thinking most of the night, “You talk far too much.” If his lips hadn’t been so magical and perfect, you would’ve been more offended by that. 

Instead, you kissed him until you felt your mind start wander away. Not only were you already exhausted and weary from being freed from carbonite after who knows how long, but your body was filled with the sweet soreness that accompanied a continual romp in the sack. As much as you wanted to stay awake and savor this moment forever, your body had different plans and soon enough you were asleep. 

You knew full well that Kylo wouldn’t be there when you woke up. You weren’t even sure how this would change the dynamic between the two of you. Worst of all, you didn’t know what to do with yourself. You were still a Resistance Fighter at heart. But these were all things you would work out when you woke (and hopefully could see again). For now, you allowed yourself to enjoy the best sleep you had had in a very long time.


	7. Apastron

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get mad at Kylo which leads to some shocking revelations

To no one’s surprise, you woke up alone. But you were able to see so at least there was that. The room was spinning, albeit slowly, which was a good sign that the hibernation sickness had almost completely worn off. You remained in bed until the dizziness had mostly passed. Then you found yourself some new clothes and fixed your hair up quickly from the disaster Kylo had left it in. 

Then you sank to the floor near a window and looked out into empty space. There were stars flickering far in the distance but you couldn’t find one to focus on as your mind raced and rattled at lightspeed. If Kylo’s goal was to use tenderness to get you all confused and worked up, then it had worked very well. And if it hadn’t been. . . well, you were left confused and worked up anyways. 

When it came to emotions, it was better to keep them swallowed and hidden deep inside. It was far easier to make logical choices when you didn’t have to worry about pesky things such as empathy or, even worse, love in any shape or form. When the two of you had just been hate-fucking, things had been simple and carnal and raw. Now things were complicated and messy. You were left wondering how exactly you felt about the man who had been your enemy for so long. 

Regardless of how you felt about Ren, you knew how you felt about the First Order and the Resistance. If you weren’t going to be able to run without being found, then you were going to have to use your position here on the Finalizer to your advantage. Sabotage and Espionage. This might actually be the best thing for the Resistance. 

So you slipped out of Ren’s quarters and began investigating corners of the Star Destroyer you haven’t explored yet. You were unsure if you needed to be sneaking around or if you could be bold and move around brazenly so you played it safe and moved carefully. Besides, if you were supposed to be gathering enemy intel it was going to be far smarter to sneak. 

It took some time for you to find where you needed to be. There were a few rooms where you could access data but it was hard to decipher what you were seeing since you weren’t particularly tech savvy when it came to data pads. But you knew that a little bit of practice and tooling around would eventually grant you access to the information you were seeking. 

What you really needed to find was a way to transmit the information. Not only that, you needed to figure out where in the galaxy you were so that you knew which Resistance base was closest and able to receive the transmission. After sneaking around for another few hours, you found everything you needed. You couldn’t wipe the proud smirk from your lips. You were doing some good here; it made you feel less guilty about sleeping with the enemy. 

Speaking of which, it was about time you got back so that he didn’t know you had even left. Maybe after last night you would finally get to see his face. You didn’t even have time to hate yourself for how smitten you were because. as you were sneaking back to Ren’s quarters, you came across something that made your stomach churn. 

A group of stormtroopers were dragging out the bodies of two Toydarians - the Resistance fighters you had painstakingly recruited. The ones that your mind had betrayed. It was your fault that they were dead. Dead! They hadn’t even been sent to prison bases where there was at least a chance that they could be saved. Instead their lives had been stolen and it was your fault. 

No. It wasn’t your fault. It was Kylo Ren’s. If the bastard hadn’t reached into your mind and gone looking for them then they would be alive right now. Anger - no, fury - replaced the infatuation. Your body filled with righteous rage and you stormed down to the armory. Maybe you had to learn every lesson the hard way (and even then it hardly stuck) but you were going to repeat a previous mistake. Only this time, you weren’t going to screw it up. 

You grabbed a baton and a blaster before marching to Ren’s quarters. You sat square on the floor with the blaster aimed at the door. The moment the door even began to open, you would pull the trigger as many times as you could and blast him into oblivion. After the night the two of you had shared, you felt positive that he wouldn’t be expecting any sort of attack from you. 

Luckily for you, he hadn’t been expecting you to pull this kind of stunt. Unluckily, it was harder to shoot him than you had thought (even though it shouldn’t have come as a surprise). He reached out and froze the bolt in the air. You heard the angry sigh and you knew his expression was contorted under his mask. As shocking as it was to see him use the Force on a blaster, it wasn’t enough to shock you out of your anger. 

So fired at him again. He sent the first bolt flying to the left and caught the next bolt just before it struck him. This time, he used the Force to freeze you too. It was an incredibly uncomfortable and terrifying experience to be unable to use your own body. You couldn’t quite say that his reaction was uncalled for but, regardless, it only angered you further. 

“You bastard,” you seethed. Good thing he did choose to hide behind his mask yet again because you were certain that the sight of his face would’ve only riled you up further. At this rate, if you got much angier then you might just combust. After seeing the Toydarians, it really felt like last night had been some sort of angle he played because only a monster would’ve been able to kill those innocents and then fuck their prisoner in the same night. 

Kylo sent the bolt flying across the room so he could approach you. He knelt down right in front of you and cocked his head to the side. “Don’t act as if you weren’t complicit in their downfall. It was you that chose to reveal their location afterall,” he frowned. You hated that if you didn’t put conscious effort into guarding your mind then he rummaged around it freely and easily. 

“Fuck you. You picked that information out yourself,” you seethed. Your body ached and burned to be set free. He was close enough for you to strangle him. . . or at least punch him. Yet the only muscle you could move were your lips. He would have to let go of you sometime and you would make your move then. Either that or he would have to kill you. At this point, you didn’t know what to expect from him.

“Did I?” he asked, the calm in voice sending a shiver down your spine. It was neither defensive nor accusatory which forced you to finally shut your trap and think. When he had searched your mind, you had fought with all of the mental strength you could muster to kick him out. Yet, you knew that he would find something so you kept the base on Nal Hutta at the front of your mind. And you could lie to yourself all you wanted and say that it was chance that he found it or that you had let him discover that base because you felt like it was the most secure but Kylo saw through the veil. You had offered up the Toydarians, even if it was a subconscious decision, because you found them to be less than useful. All of their years hiding on Nal Hutta and contributing nothing to the Resistance while you risked your life daily. . . 

You pursed your lips and clenched your jaw as the realization that you weren’t so innocent dawned on you. If your intentions towards everyone had been more pure. . . If you had fought harder to keep him out of your mind. . . “You’re afraid of that darkness in you. Let go. Embrace it.” 

“Let me go and I’ll show you darkness,” you seethed. He was a bad influence. That was all this was. The longer you were with him, the less black and white your decisions become. Muddling through shades of gray and emerging squeaky clean was difficult if not impossible. If you had been white, Kylo’s black had certainly darkened everything around you. 

Even now, you weren’t fully convinced of your own darkness even though the murder in your eyes was clear. It was possible that you were the same good person you were certain you had always been and he was just manipulating you into thinking you were bad. Of course he would want you to turn to the dark side because then you would no longer pose a threat to him and he could still warm his dick inside of you. Killing those stormtroopers? It wasn’t bad, it was justice. Leading him to the Toydarians? The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few and the base on Nal Hutta was the smallest one. You did not need to defend your choices but there was a good, moral reasoning behind each action. 

Kylo slowly moved his hand around your throat and tightened his grip before freeing you from his Force hold. Your hands immediately grabbed his arm but each time you moved his hold on you only grew stronger. If you wanted to continue breathing, you were going to have to sit still and behave. “You want to kill me and you think that that makes you good?” he asked you rhetorically. 

Even so, you had an answer for him. “I would be doing the galaxy a favor. I’d say wiping you out would be the best thing anyone could do,” you smirked before the last first words were choked out by his tightening clutch. Of course you could justify killing him. Just as he would justify killing you or any members of the Resistance. Even though he was in the wrong, in his own view, he was doing the galaxy a favor by wiping out pesky anarchists. 

He shook his head and tutted, “You don’t want to just kill me. Your intentions are clear.” With his free hand, he reached behind you and yanked the baton out of your hands. Your failed attempt at hiding that giant weapon was more pathetic than anything else. But you had truly been expecting to knock him off his feet with the blaster so keeping it hidden hadn’t been your main priority. “You were going to use this to prolong my demise. I wouldn’t call that very moral or good.” 

You rolled your shoulders and opened your mouth to defend your choice but your throat was too constricted to allow any decent sound to escape your mouth. “And after everything I’ve done for you. I even let you cum. Twice,” he frowned. The disappointment in his voice was clear yet you still didn’t feel ashamed. 

“I faked it,” you managed to tell him in a hoarse whisper. You wanted to add that he hadn’t even been that good and that you had pitied him and the sensitivity he had shown. The last thing you wanted to do was give him the benefit of thinking his cock was worth anything to you. You had said it before and hadn’t meant it then but you meant it now: you never wanted his cock again. 

Kylo stood and yanked you up with him. “Liar.” The attempted murder he could forgive because it just meant you were even closer to your becoming. The lying, though, was something he did not tolerate. So the punishment was going to have to fit the crime. You should’ve known better than to lie and about this of all things. Nothing was worse than being denied an orgasm. 

He dragged you across the room before slapping cuffs around each wrist which were magnetized and stuck to the wall. Your hands were pinned on either side of your head but that still wasn’t enough for him; he added cuffs to your ankles and spread your feet so that your body formed a giant ‘X’ on the wall. 

When he turned his lightsaber on, you, to your own shame, flinched. You were beginning to suspect that he was just going to kill you instead of leaving you high and dry. In some small way, that almost seemed better. Your eyes shut so that you wouldn’t flinch again when he inevitably swung the lightsaber down over you. 

But that isn’t what happened. Instead his hand moved under your shirt and he pulled the fabric taut. “If you move, you’ll die,” he explained simply. You went cross-eyed as he brought the blade down directly in front of your face. The angry hiss and crackle of his unstable saber was the only sound to fill your ears. 

The fabric was pulled just tight enough that he could slice through without grazing your skin. That is, if he was careful and you held your breath to keep your chest and stomach from inflating with air. You wished he had given you more of a warning so you could’ve taken a deeper breath. Instead you focused on the blade that was so close to your skin that even the slightest twitch in Kylo’s hand and you’d feel the searing heat of the saber in your torso. You’d be done for. 

He took his sweet time in cutting down your clothes. The stars dancing around in your vision began to turn into black spots. You were either going to pass out or you were going to suck in a deep breath and either of those options would result in your death. 

“Fuck you,” you gasped the moment he extinguished the blade. Your shirt hung open and exposed your breasts. At the moment, you definitely didn’t care. It was just nice to breathe without fear of being killed. His thumb danced around the button on his saber that would ignite it again and you were certain he was thinking about turning it back on so you didn’t curse him out again. At least, you wouldn’t until he attached the hilt back to his belt. 

When he grabbed your chin, you realized he had been intending on kissing you (or maybe biting you) but he was stopped because of that ridiculous mask. Even though you wanted nothing more than to stare straight into his soul so that he could fully understand just how angry you were with him, you decided it would piss him off more if you didn’t look at him at all. So your gaze floated to the ceiling. 

It seemed to work because the force he used to yank your pants to your ankles was enough to cause the fabric to burn your skin on the way down. Your eye twitched but otherwise you gave no indication that that had been unpleasant. 

Ren ran his fingers across your already wet slit and a sinister chuckle rolled from underneath his mask. It dawned on you that you had never seen him smile (not that you could see him do anything) and you had never really heard him laugh. Even the chuckle now didn’t seem to carry any genuine joy and felt more like he was rubbing his victory in your face than he was actually enjoying this. The sick bastard was still probably enjoying rubbing his fingers along your cunt, though. 

He wasted no time dipping his finger into your center and curling them deep against your walls. His thumb pressed against your clit and rubbed quick, heavy circles. As hard as you fought it, a deep moan passed through your lips. The last thing you wanted was to prove that not only had you been lying but that he made you cum so easily. But your body felt so alive and so good. 

“You’re a filthy whore,” he growled. Between panting, moaning, and rolling your eyes back into your head, you managed to catch a glimpse of the bulge in his own pants. If you were a filthy whore, then what did that make him? 

“You’re hardly better,” you smirked before your body melted over his fingers, your walls tightening around his digits. You felt a warmth climb up your legs and blossom at your center. Just as you were about to cross the finish line, he pulled his hand away from you. How predictable. 

“Beg,” he commanded simply. It wasn’t enough for him to know that you were going to cum but he wanted you begging for it. He couldn’t think of a better way to teach you not to lie to him anymore. He pinched and pulled at your nipples. 

You moaned and writhed. “Fuck you. I’ll never beg again,” you hissed. You had done it once but you hadn’t been angry at him then. You were still angry at him now. How many days had you been his prisoner? How many weeks? Yet you still didn’t know what he wanted from you and he pulled you every which way. He was still a murdering monster and he seemed dead set on making you one too. 

“You’ll beg,” he assured you. He pulled his saber from his belt again and your heart dropped into your stomach. Was he going to kill you if you didn’t beg? At least you would die with some dignity. The room filled with flickering, red light. 

His intention wasn’t to kill you. He spun the hilt in his hand so that the blade was facing backwards. You gulped as he brought the saber closer to your quivering cunt. Kylo spread your folds and pressed the bottom of the hilt against your clit. The vibration made you crazy. Your legs trembled and it was like your entire body was engulfed in velvety flames. 

You screamed and bit your lower lip so hard that you broke skin. It was like he could sense when you were about to tip over the edge because he would pull the lightsaber away just long enough for a cool to wash over your skin. Then he would press the vibrations against you again and the fire would return. 

“Beg!” he commanded. 

“Fuck! Let me cum!” you squealed, your voice cracking. He pressed the saber harder against your clit, your center throbbing and pulsing. The fire grew and grew until you were nothing more than flames in the shape of a woman. 

He extinguished his lightsaber as you came down from your high. Your skin was warm to the touch and your head rolled tiredly onto your shoulder. After putting his saber back on his belt again, he freed you from your restraints. You first fell to your knees and then to your hands as you caught your breath. Your core ached in the best way and your legs felt weak and shaky. The only thing that would’ve made this perfect is if he had deserved to see you cum.

“Open your mouth,” he instructed since he still had a hard on. He pushed his pants down enough to spring free. After grabbing a handful of your hair and helping you back onto your knees, he pressed in closer to your face. 

Your lips remained sealed and you glared up at him. “I’ll bite it off,” you warned him - a courtesy he didn’t really deserve. Since you were still so angry at him, the last thing you wanted was to give him further satisfaction. Even with the mask on, you could tell he was sneering unhappily. 

He growled and pushed you back against the wall. So that you knew to stay, he pressed his boot between your legs against your abdomen. “You’ll watch then.” His fingers curled around his twitching cock. It looked like he was already so close to bursting - probably got too excited watching you writhe and scream. 

His left hand held your hair to make sure you watched him please himself with his right hand. The most upsetting part was how turned on you got by watching him. Your core grew warm again and you even found yourself salivating. No! No! You did NOT want to suck his cock! So you lifted your chin definiantly and reminded yourself that you did not like this man. 

Just as you lifted your chin, he unloaded his seed on your face. It dripped onto your bare chest. “Fuck. You.” It seemed to be the only thing he deserved to hear from you anymore. When he pulled his boot away, you got up and cleaned yourself off with items from his wardrobe. A smug smirk rested on your lips even as you got dressed. 

“Next time I ask you to open your mouth, you will,” he either demanded or informed you. Either way, you were afraid he might be correct. But you weren’t giving yourself enough credit because you had abstained tonight. That was good progress. You were breaking free from his spell!

“Next time you step through that door, I’ll actually kill you,” you promised him. He was getting tired of your games. Normally he was able to break you after getting you off. But here you both were, sexually satisfied and still filled with anger and hate. 

Kylo reached for his saber. “Why wait?” He ignited the weapon which caused you to eye the baton he had chucked aside earlier. Before he could make his first move, you were diving across the floor. Your fingers barely curled around the weapon before he used the Force to send you flying across the room. 

Your back slammed against the wall and you sank down to your butt. But the distance he had put between the two of you gave you time to ignite your baton which was the perfect weapon to deflect lightsabers. You charged at him and the weapons collided, bouncing off of each other. 

“You feel it. I know you do. Embrace your anger. Your hate,” he encouraged. Was that why he wanted to fight you? He didn’t want to actually hurt you but he wanted to push you closer to the edge of the dark side. You had a choice to make then. Fall further into his trap and allow the dark to consume you or be stronger than that and remain in the light. 

While it would appear that you were taking the high road, you chose not to attack him any more only to further piss him off. Whatever he had planned for you, you didn’t want to be part of it. So you tossed the baton aside and rolled out of the way of his incoming lightsaber. 

He panted heavily because you were really pushing his buttons today. But he just put his weapon away and stared you down. “Maybe I was wrong,” he stated simply and turned to leave you. You had tried his patience enough today. “You’re weak.”

Well, he had been pushing your buttons too. “Bastard! You don’t get to-” You had thrown your hand out to stop him. As you had done that, he stumbled forward as if he had been pushed. In fact, it was enough force that it nearly knocked him over and it had knocked his helmet off. 

You were left staring at your hands, though. Had you done that? Your hands looked the same - one flesh and one not. They didn’t tingle or burn. So what had caused him to stumble? As you looked up at him, your eyes already large and confused, you saw him turn to face you.

His shaggy hair was dark - a brown that was almost black; it looked exactly as you had imagined it. Then he turned and you finally got to see his face. It was overwhelming. So overwhelming that your eyes bulged from your face before rolling up into your head. 

As you were falling to the ground, you came to quite a few realizations. You suddenly knew why you had received so much special treatment. You knew why he hadn’t kill you. You knew why the two of you shared such sexual magnetism. You knew why he seemed to know you. Yet you were left with a dozen new questions that you would be left to ponder once you woke from unconsciousness. 

Just as your head was about to hit the floor, you were able to mutter one single, confused word. “Ben?”


	8. Nadir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short little flashback interlude

~ Years Ago ~

You snuck aboard the only ship with the boarding ramp lowered. Luckily for you, the ship was a light freighter which meant that there was a lot of space for you to hide. One of the secret compartments meant for smuggling items was open but since your little, youngling arms weren’t strong enough to close the hatch over your head, you had to settle for hiding in the access tube for the quad-laser. It wasn’t your best hiding spot but the pilot had come back aboard so you had run out of time. 

Even at your young age, you were quite good at getting into trouble. At least you were good at getting out of it, too. You had stolen a vial of this shiny rock thing. Even though you didn’t know what it was, you knew that it was valuable. If you could find someone willing to buy from a youngling, then you would have enough credits to escape to somewhere populous like Coruscant or Hosnian Prime or Eufornis Major. 

The ship rocked and hissed as it launched into space and then jumped into hyperspace. You peeked your head out into the hallway and figured that the cockpit was to your left. It didn’t seem like this ship had much of a crew so you felt confident in finding a better hiding spot that would be further away from the crew. 

You tiptoed quietly around the curving hallways until you were stopped by a squeaky voice. “Who are you?” a little boy, he couldn’t have been more than a couple years older than you, asked from behind you. 

Well, so much for sneaking around unseen! You jammed the vial in your backpocket before turning around and cocking your head curiously. Not that you had been on many ships, but you still felt pretty sure that younglings didn’t usually hang out on ships. In all of your years (which weren’t many), you had never seen one even board a ship. 

“Who are you?” you asked him back and took him in. Even though he was clearly older than you were, you still felt more mature than he was. It must come from your upbringing. . . or lack thereof. This boy probably had parents who took care of him and allowed him to be a youngling whereas you had never really known childhood. 

“I’m Ben,” he answered. He had a little toy that looked like a soldier in an orange jumpsuit. At the time, you were unable to recognize that as a rebel fighter. The boy had dark, shaggy hair and a nose too big for his face. But there was a softness that disarmed your hostility. 

You sighed and crossed your feet nervously over each other. “I’m (Y/N). You’re not going to tell on me are you?” you asked. Even though you were normally guarded, you hadn’t met many younglings so you gave him the benefit of the doubt. 

He made a face and sighed. “I should probably tell my mom but I won’t,” he promised you. He grabbed your hand and dragged you to the crew quarters. He sat you down on his bed with all the gentleness that a youngling could muster. “You’re kinda dirty so I’ll get you some clothes.” Younglings weren’t always delicate with their words but that was okay because, since you were also a youngling, you didn’t take it to heart. He brought you some of his clothes and blushed before stepping out of the room. 

After changing into the too-large clothes, you tapped Ben on the shoulder to let him know he could turn around and come back in. He smiled and showed you where he kept some of his things. “My mom and dad won’t come in here for a while so we can just play if you want,” he said. He was so eager to have a friend and, to be honest, so were you. So you sat cross-legged on the floor and played with his little toy rebels. 

“And just who do we have here? Sneaking girls on my ship, Ben?” a deep voice resonated from the doorway. You had been so engrossed with playing, a pastime you had never been able to enjoy before, that you hadn’t paid enough attention to your only exit. You scrambled under one of the cots. 

“Dad!” Ben groaned. “You scared her!” He laid on his stomach and looked at you under his bed. “It’s okay. That’s just my dad.” He sat back up so that he could explain the circumstance to Han. “She doesn’t have any parents and she just needed someone to fly her somewhere.” 

A new set of footprints entered the room. A white pair of shoes moved in front of the cot and a woman knelt down. She had a soft, warm smile but you were still uneasy. It was adults that you didn’t trust. “It’s alright, Young One. You don’t have to be afraid,” she assured you and held out her hand. You took it and she helped you out. 

It took some time for them to get you to open up. In fact, it wasn’t until Ben took your hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze that you felt comfortable enough explaining to his parents, Han and Leia, that you just needed to get to Hutt Space. They had no idea why someone as young as you would ever need to get to such a dangerous part of the galaxy. That’s when you showed them the vial. Han snatched it right up. 

“How did you get your hands on coaxium?!” He was in complete shock. Leia laughed as if the whole thing were amusing. You only shrugged. What even was coaxium? All you knew was that it could fetch you some money. 

Leia brushed through your hair. “Well, you don’t need to worry about pawning off anything ever again. We’ll take care of you, okay?” she promised. Your insides melted and flipped. So this is what it felt like to have a family. It was really nice. And you loved them all already even if it had only been a day. 

~ A Year Later ~

You had met Ben’s Uncle Luke a couple times. All you knew was that he was the jedi from the legends you had heard about which was really cool but also really daunting. Luke had finished setting up a new Jedi temple where he was going to lead and instruct the newest generation of Jedi. Unfortunately for you, that meant he was going to train Ben. It would leave you without your bestest friend for. . . well, more or less, forever. 

After Ben began his training, it just wasn’t the same. Of course you were thankful for Han and Leia and even Chewbacca. But you felt strange being on the Millenium Falcon without Ben. So you did what you thought was brave, though it was more cowardly, and you took off the next time the ship landed. From what you heard, they looked for you for ages but you were careful to hide your tracks. 

You eventually did make your way to Hutt Space and definitely got yourself in a lot of trouble over the years. After stealing weapons from Gorga, you stole the first ship you came across and fled across the galaxy. Call it fate or destiny or whatever you want. When you landed on Chandrila, you shouldn’t have been surprised to find Leia and Han but you were shocked anyway. 

They were so thrilled to see you. When they took you into their arms, much to your dismay, you found yourself bursting into tears. You apologized profusely for leaving and hiding for so long. It had been far lonelier than you had been expecting. Leia welcomed you back immediately while it took Han some time to warm back up - it was just his way of dealing with the hurt you had caused by running. You were like a daughter to them!

“How’s Ben?” you asked. Of course, they had known that question was coming. The two of you had been inseparable for the year you had been together as younglings. He asked about you often, too. Staying and completing his training instead of running after you had been one of the hardest things he had ever done. 

“Why don’t you ask him yourself?” Han asked as he piloted his galaxy-famous ship to Luke’s Jedi Temple. They had some supplies they delivered to the temple so that they could all focus on training and less on finding the food and other things they needed. 

The moment you stepped foot off the ship, Ben had sensed your presence. He came running through the halls and into the docking bay. The two of you froze and took each other in. He had grown up into a man during the years you were gone. He was very tall and very strong. His features had matured and yet there was still this softness to them. You had done some growing too. Not only had you also grown in height, but your other assets had filled in over time as well. You were really becoming a woman. 

He dashed across the room and closed the space between you in record time. His arms were around you as he pulled you tightly into his embrace. Your own arms wrapped around his neck and you buried your face in his shoulder. The two of you laughed to keep from crying. “Well, look at you. You really look like a Jedi,” you smiled as he slowly sat you down. 

“Me? Look at you, (Y/N)! You’re really growing up. Where have you been all this time?” Ben asked. Even if he had grown into a man, there was still a youthfulness to his now-deep voice and a jovial twinkle in his eye. There was something else hidden below the surface but you couldn’t quite get deep enough to tell what it was. 

The two of you moved outside and caught up. You understood that he wasn’t really supposed to have connections like this if he was going to be a proper Jedi. But Luke had a connection with his sister and, of course, his nephew. When Leia had been training to be a Jedi, she had been in love with Han. So there were exceptions to this rule. Yet, you saw Luke and Leia conferring privately and, when they were done, Leia told you it was time to go. 

You had hardly even gotten to see Ben! Why couldn’t you stay just another day?! Surely it wouldn’t affect his training. But you sighed and you complied. “I’ll come visit again, okay? I’m not going anywhere this time,” you promised Ben. For a moment there you thought that he was going to kiss you. Maybe if no one had been watching he might’ve. But there were plenty of others around so you just gave him a quick, parting hug before joining Han and Leia back on the Millenium Falcon. 

Over the next couple of years, you would only see Ben four more times, each meeting feeling briefer and briefer. It almost felt as if Luke didn’t even want you on his planet so you always felt hurried off. Surely you couldn’t be that much of a distraction for the young Solo! 

In between your visits, you spent a significant amount of time with Leia. Whispers of the Empire taking shape as what was now being called the “First Order” were growing louder by the day. A powerful Sith named Snoke was said to be leading them. Since Leia had plenty of experience fighting in a rebellion, she took the mantle of “General” and the two of you gathered everyone willing to fight for the galaxy and its freedom. 

At least you had the Resistance to keep your mind busy. You were an integral cog and that helped make you feel important - even when every trip to the Jedi Temple made you feel like someone was hiding something from you. Luke and Leia were always whispering behind your back and even Ben looked at you curiously sometimes. 

“I don’t know when I’ll get to see you again,” you told him during your next visit. You slid your hand into his and the two of you snuck out of the temple and down into the flats below. “I have to go to Toydaria. Do you know how impossible it’ll be to try and convince Toydarians to join any sort of cause? I’ll be there for an eternity! But your mom is insistent that this while give us an advantage,” you chuckled. 

“You’ll be a Jedi Master soon,” you added. “Is Master Skywalker still set on keeping us apart to finish your training?”

Ben sighed which was all the answer you needed. He turned to face you and squeezed both of your hands. “(Y/N),” he began but then there was a crack of thunder and it began to pour. The two of you looked up to the sky. You laughed which was enough to make him laugh, too. “I love you. I don’t think I’m supposed to. . . but I do.” 

Your eyes met his and, in the pouring rain, you stepped on your tiptoes and pressed your lips to his. “I love you, too, Ben,” you confessed. He pressed his forehead to yours and caressed the side of your face. This was the happiest day of your life. 

“We should get back before they start to wonder where we went,” he whispered. If you had known that this was going to be the last time you’d see him, then you never would’ve agreed. But you took his hand and walked back to the temple. 

The two of you had agreed to meet as soon as he finished his training. He didn’t care about the old way of the Jedi. He would be loyal to the Jedi code in every other way. And wherever you were in the galaxy, you would come find him. 

It was only a few months later that you heard about the attack on the Jedi Temple. By the time you had hopped in your ship and jumped across the galaxy, the building was in flames. Whoever had been inside was long dead and anyone who had attempted to run had been slaughtered, too. 

“Ben!” you screamed over and over. You could feel it; he wasn’t here. You sank into the ashes as a familiar Corellian freighter landed nearby. You felt a large hand on your shoulder and turned to see Han and Leia. You threw yourself into their arms and broke down completely. “Do you know what happened to Ben?”

The two shared a knowing look. “He didn’t make it, (Y/N). He didn’t make it,” Han informed you. They both looked close to breaking but they didn’t look nearly as devastated as you were. If anything, they looked more disappointed and heartbroken than they did grieving and broken. 

You had to be dragged, more or less, off the planet. You were flown to D’Qar where you buried your emotions by allowing all of that anger and aggression that you had buried when Leia found you again rise to the surface. You were going to kill every last person in the First Order. And if it was the last thing you did, you were going to personally destroy each and every Knight of Ren and avenge the one man you had ever cared about.


End file.
